Prison Tales – Genny

Hello my name is Genny Valles and I am from Fort Worth, Texas. I am a 36 year old, single mother of 2, and am currently serving a 10 year sentence at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice for “manufacturing and delivery.”  Afterwards, I will continue my sentence with the Federal Bureau of Prisons for 14 years for “conspiracy with the intent to distribute meth.”  I was part of the 800 person indictment called the “Icebreaker” in North Texas.

For me, the memories of my childhood are memories of the terrors of a real-live nightmare.

I was raised in a dysfunctional family, where I was exposed to domestic violence.  My father was a raging alcoholic, who was not only mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive, but very physically abusive towards my mother.

At the age of 4 years old, my innocence was robbed.  I was sexually abused, molested, and penetrated by a family member.  It continued until I was 11 years old.

The thought of being powerless over all that was happening around me, and to me, was unreasonably frightening.

Children are singularly reliant on the protection, care, and nurture of others for their most basic needs.  They trust their lives to someone who is more powerful than they are, and hopefully they will be heard, and lovingly cared for… but I wasn’t. I began a life-long battle with feelings of rejection, abandonment, inadequacy and fear.

I silently vowed never again to feel as vulnerable as I did when I was a child.

In my teen years, I started mixing with all the wrong people and developed several addictions.  I was without a doubt bound with addiction, and in a flat out rebellion against God and man.

By the age of 12, I was addicted to cocaine.  By the age of 13, I was addicted to “crank”, which is a form of methamphetamines. I also joined a gang to find that protection I never felt as a child.

By the age of 14, not only was I was addicted to crank, but I was a full fledge alcoholic.  The older I got, the more I intensified my drinking and drug use to numb the pain and confusion.  I spiraled out of control and lost all respect for authority figure in my life.  Up to that point, I had no idea of its destructive and demonic power.  At first, it was great, as it seemed to take away all my pain.  The depression, oppression, rejection, inadequacies, loneliness, and fear.  It even curbed my drunkenness. I developed a confidence, and a feeling of being in complete control.  I thought I had found the cure, and never wanted to be without it.

By the time I was 15, I was sent to the hospital for snorting so much drugs, that the drugs ate through the cartilage of my nose and caused the vein leading to my brain to hemorrhage. The vein was cauterized.  I never again snorted a drug.

By the age of 16, I was diagnosed with 5 ulcers and 4 bleeding ulcers, due to too much consumption of alcohol.  By the time I was 17, I overdosed from a mixture of heroin and meth.  The mixture caused my heart to go into shock and sent me straight to intensive care.  I permanently damaged my heart.  I began as a victim, but soon became the villain of my own life, making one poor choice after another.

By the time I was 18, I was tired and weary.  The abuse my body endured was taking its toll. My life had spiraled downhill.  Everything I had done to numb the pain had worn off.  I had caused so much destruction.  I was so empty and nothing would satisfy me or fill me.

I knew of God, but I didn’t know God.  I cried out to him many of times, but not like I did this time.  If there was a God, why was my dad an alcoholic?  Why was my mother and father at constant war?  Why, oh why did I go through the sexual abuse and no one helped me?  How could my family not know?  Was I even loved?  What good are you God?  What good am I?

I pretended the shame and pain did not matter, but the lonelier I felt, the louder and more destructive my behavior became.

By the age of 19, I caught my first drug charge.  By the age of 20, I began to humble myself and went out in search of God.  Like the apostle Paul expressed, my thoughts were similar.

“I really don’t understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it.  Instead, I do what I hate, but if I know that what I’m doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good.  So I am not the one doing wrong.  It is sin living in me that does it, and I know that nothing good lives in me.  That is, in my sinful nature.  I want to do what is right, but I can’t.  I don’t’ want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.  But if I do what I don’t want to do, I’m really not the one doing wrong.  It is the sin living in me that does it.”  (Romans 7:15-20)

I believed in Jesus as a Savior as a young girl.  I went to church, but I lived life with a slave mentality for almost 30 years.  I could not understand or believe the whole truth of God’s grace, which is the power of God unto salvation.  This grace, which is the light that shines into the darkness, was still not real in my life.

By the age of 21, I continued to deceive myself.

“I can stop anytime I want to.”

“I’m in control.”

“This isn’t hurting anyone.”

While all along, I inched closer and closer to disaster.  By the age of 22, I was pregnant.  I never knew that I was able to have kids, due to the damage from the sexual abuse.  I wasn’t happy.  I questioned God, “Why would you allow me to bring an innocent baby into this cruel world?  I can’t save him. I can’t even save myself.”

I made the decision to repent, and God began to transform me from the inside out.  My emotions and behavior began to change effortlessly.

By the time I was 23, I was only 12 weeks pregnant now and on the brinks from losing my baby.  I heard his little heartbeat, and saw his wonderfully made body on the sonogram, and I knew that minute there was nothing in this world I wanted more, than to have him with me in this world.  Up to the very second he was born, man said he couldn’t and wouldn’t make it, but God said he will.  THANK YOU JESUS!  This beautiful and healthy baby boy was born unto me.

In 2004, I had a warrant for my arrest for a possession drug charge I had initially caught in 2001 that I left unresolved.  So, by the age of 24, I was sitting in prison, pregnant with my 2^nd child.  By this time, I had seen everything I had produced in life, go up in smoke because of my addiction.  I couldn’t do that to the little human being growing inside of me.  I did not feel worthy of being a mother.  The heartache and guilt overwhelmed me.

While pregnant and sitting in a Texas Department of Criminal Justice, I formed a strong and intimate relationship with my Lord and Savior.  I talked Jesus.  I slept Jesus.  I breathed Jesus.  Man said, once again, it was impossible to keep my beautiful baby girl, but the Lord said “You most definitely will.”

Today, I am a blessed mother of 2.  Angel and Amber, it’s such a great honor and reward being your mother.  Angel is 14 years old and Amber is 12 years old.

My children are my proudest moment, but God wasn’t done building my testimony yet…

Stay tuned for part 2 of Genny’s story…

 

This is Randi now:  These’s women would love to hear from you if their story has touched you in any way.  They want to know that their stories matter, and they are valued.  You can write Genny at:

Genny Valles

#2102266

1916 N. Hwy 36 Business

Gatesville, TX 76595