My name is Brooke and I am 39 years old. I was locked up July of 99, shortly after my 21st birthday. I’ve done 18 years in one of Texas’ finest establishments, all the while, my gracious Heavenly Father has been walking right alongside with me.
I don’t remember very much about my childhood, happy memories anyways. I was born in Lubbock, Texas. My family consists of my mom and dad and my half-brother. I remember my mom would spend hours at her easel drawing. My dad was always working to provide for his family. My older brother, whom I idolized, always sent me on missions for sheer enjoyment to watch me get into trouble. My family wasn’t perfect behind closed doors. Dad got a transfer at his job which meant the family packed it up and moved to a small town called Van Alstyne. The fighting among my parents got worse after we moved. It wasn’t long after that my parents divorced for the second time. Mom moved back to Lubbock, taking my brother with her.
I’ve always felt out of place in my surroundings, even my own body. Though I wouldn’t discover for many years what that feeling was called, or why I felt that way.
That feeling is called gender dysphoria.
Shortly after the divorce, my virginity and innocence was taken from me by my next door neighbor’s nephew and his buddy. I was only 8 years old. This was the first of many rapes over the years of my life by both men and women. From that point on, I was more-less taught that my body was not my own and I had no right to it. I was also taught that my voice was not my own, nor respected.
I thought I was being accepted by people growing up, but really, I was being used for their selfish gain, and I was discarded once I served their purpose. I was gullible because I wanted acceptance from anyone I could get it from. I was constantly the butt of other kid’s jokes. I struggled because I was different, and my kind of different was socially unacceptable in my town. When I went out of town and used public restrooms, the women would tell me I didn’t belong in there, and tell me to go to the boy’s room. I didn’t complain because I felt more comfortable there anyways.
Because my dad worked a lot, I was left alone a lot… and idle minds and idle hands get bored pretty easily. I ran the streets and hung out with pretty much who ever would have me around. As long as I had the money, they had the time. There was usually lots of beer and drugs at these places.
At 13, I lost my mom to a brain aneurism and started getting more involved in drugs. I started resenting my dad and pushing him away. Rebelling at him because he didn’t cry at mom’s funeral. At 13, you think you know it all. HaHa.
I was hell on two feet and I didn’t care. As far as I was concerned, nobody gave two $!#@Z about me. I was so angry at the world and at God. Who on earth would a God of such love and compassion let a child suffer so much abuse at the hands of such sick people? Where was God to protect me at such a tender age from such agonizing abuse?
Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in church, but it was merely just going through the motions. It wasn’t really in my heart.
I started getting into brushes with the law at 16. I hung out with a gang of guys and our mission was to get high daily, and find fun. Two girls from out of town moved to town, and I was introduced to them through my guy friends. One of the girls I fell in love with. Unfortunately, the feeling wasn’t mutual, but I felt led on by her, as she seemed curious. She moved away, and every chance I got to go see her, I would.
By the time I was 17, I ended up in jail for the first time behind stealing cigarettes at Walmart. A rap sheet was born, and I was in and out of the county jail.
In 1994, while I was serving time in Wood County jail, I started reading “Outcry in the Barrio,” and when I finished, I gave my life to God. God got swept under the rug soon after I got out, and I went back to my old way of life.
Once I got out of Grayson County jail in 1996, I left the state to Oklahoma to clean up my act. At 19, I got my driver’s license and a job, and I was doing well.
I met a woman at my job and we hit it off really well until she found out I was a girl, then she hooked me up with her friend, which I ended up in a five year relationship with, until I went to prison. Our relationship was very abusive, and dysfunctional, to say the least. During this relationship, she initiated me into Satanism, which I practiced for the next 15 years. I got involved with a group of people that I was introduced to by my “wife’s” ex-fiancé. A new hang out and a new connection was born.
At this point, I was working on some street cred, trying to work my way up the ranks on the street. A proposition came my way one day to make some fast cash. All I was supposed to do was cash a check, since I matched the description to the paper ID the closest. I ended up getting more involved in the crime, and helped in taking the life of the woman the check belonged to. It didn’t take long for the cops and detectives to apprehend us. Off to the big house I go for life in prison for 1st degree murder.
I still practiced Satanism, when I first came to prison, up until I met a women that signed me up for a Kairos walk. It was during that walk that I completely turned away from satanic practices and black magic. The most beautiful thing about it was, there were two ladies in my Kairos walk, that I had done time with on other units in the course of my 18 year incarceration, which had been praying for me. They got to witness their prayers being answered during that walk.
Years later, I got accepted into the faith based dorm. I had to submit a grievance at first because I was transgender, and couldn’t shower in an open communal shower, but I won the grievance, and got in the program. I have since dropped my transgender status and claim myself as a WOMAN OF GOD! God is still working in me and I can say this, I’m definitely not the same person I was. I am a new creation! I’m fulfilling my calling to do prison ministries once I’m released. These years in prison have been my preparation for the work God is going to have me do in His Mighty Name! Amen!
You can write Brooke at:
1916 N. Hwy 36 Business
Gatesville, TX 76595