September 28, 2017
I haven’t blogged about this because it hurts too much. I think I’ve been waiting for a testimony of praise to talk about the valley that I’ve been walking through the past 2 years. But the testimony of praise hasn’t come. Therefore, I keep on walking through the valley, waiting for the situation to change.
Sometimes the valleys we walk through seem too much to bear. Sometimes the valleys we walk through are not something we can comprehend. Sometimes the valley seems like it goes against everything God says in His Word, and it’s very confusing.
And that’s where I’m at. I’m confused about why God allows women to have a desire for a child, and then He chooses not to fulfill it. I’m confused why God allows multiple infertility treatments, and then He still says no. I’m confused why God allows someone to deplete their savings on medical expenses, and they don’t work. I’m confused when I hear His Word so clearly, and then the outcome is not what I’ve been hearing.
That’s kinda where my thoughts stop. I don’t want to pray about it. I don’t want to read my Bible this morning. I just want to pout and be mad at God for a while. I just want to cry it out a few times until I have grieved the loss of a dream to have a family.
What’s next for us, I’m not sure. I don’t want to to try anymore infertility treatments. We believed wholeheartedly that if God wanted us to get pregnant through the treatment, He could have. He chose not to. We wanted to foster, but were denied because of my criminal history. Adoption is an option, but who has $30,000 to spend on adoption? Definitely not us.
So we will wait. I will try to put this desire for a family out of my mind. And I will try to rejoice when everyone around me is growing their families. Eventually, I’ll stop being hurt and confused by God’s actions, and accept that He is God. And His ways are higher than our ways. And for whatever reason, He has decided to give me a very deep valley to walk through, for the second time in my life.
Oh Randi. You have to trust that God has a plan. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle. I promise I will pray and get all of my prayer warriors on board. Don’t ever give up.
Dearest Randi and Corey, I cry for you also. I also pray for peace and joy to enter your lives. Thank you for sharing. There are so many that grieve along with you.
Praying ,
Karen
Sweet Friend! I love you!!
Praying for you after reading your beautiful words of crying out & listening to the words sung….we don’t understand but still we trust & pray on your behalf…God is faithful.
❤️🙏🏻Susan Murphy
Randi I do know what you are going thru because I walked in this same valley 45 years ago, minus the fertility treatments-they were not available in the dark ages:-). We adopted thru the state. Our beautiful kind daughter turned 42 in August. I feel like I know you because I prayed for you when you were in Illinois-my precious niece is Karen. I do know the struggles of adoption but your child is out there. Have you talked to drs.? They may have a patient who is going to let their baby be adopted. Prayers for you Randi.
Hey girlie, hang in there. After suffering from a missed miscarriage, I had the same thoughts. Praying for you🤗
God’s ways are so hard to understand! Just keep believing and trusting Him. He loves you so much and you both are
such a beautiful witness to His love and grace. He won’t let you down. We send our love and prayers.
Grandpa & Grandma Orcutt