March 1, 2016
Day 8: God… Enough is Enough
When is enough, enough? When do you get to call it quits when the going gets tough? When do I get to say that my life is my own and nobody else will have control of it? When does life go back to normal?
These are the questions that roam through my mind each day as I pray and fast over this child in my home. The struggle comes because I go back and forth from being angry and annoyed at him to feeling sorry for him and compassion toward him.
As Blake sat at the dinner table on Sunday night, his face looked like a 10 year old, downcast and broken.
But the brokenness disappears the moment something is asked of him that he doesn’t want to do. Now all of a sudden that disrespectful and hardened teenager comes back and my compassion runs out the door with his prior brokenness.
I am begging God to give me more compassion and love for this child. He is not my own, so sometimes I think the easiest way is to find him somewhere else to go. But we are not called to take the easy way.
1 Peter 1:6 says to “Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while.”
These trials are making Corey and me stronger. We know this. But it doesn’t make the trial any easier to navigate.
When I look back over the past 3 months, I wonder sometimes if it has all been in vain. Blake told me last week that he doesn’t want to be a Christian. Once again… I’m heartbroken for him. Have we messed up somewhere along the way when trying to imitate Jesus? Have we not been the example that Jesus would want? Is the right way of living so appalling to someone living in darkness?
Well yes. Yes it is. That is the answer to my question right there. Jesus tells us in John 16:18-21 “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first… Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the one who sent me. “
Jesus was very clear that we would be rejected because of Him. Because we live for Him and because what we live and preach is repentance and grace. While this is comforting to know that Blake is not rejecting Corey and me, it also is more painful than before because what it means is that he is rejecting Jesus.
So this takes me back to my opening questions. When is enough, enough? When do you get to call it quits when the going gets tough? When do I get to say that my life is my own and nobody else will have control of it? When does life go back to normal?
Enough is never enough when Blake’s salvation is at stake. I never get to call it quits when the going gets tough because somebody loved me enough to never give up on me when it was tough and even more so, God never gave up on me when I was living in darkness. I don’t get to call my life my own because it is not my own. It has been bought at a price and redeemed. Therefore, Jesus controls me. Not Blake. He has no control over my feelings or actions. And lastly, who ever said a normal life was a good life? Normal right now is Blake living with us and Jesus living in us. That is all that matters today so that is my new normal.
Lord, You are still enough. You are always enough. You never change. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Give me the strength for today. Give me the compassion and love that I need for today.