February 23, 2016
I smile as I think about the changes that God brought into our lives due to the 21 day fast that I did in January. The things that I was praying for have come to be. Corey and I have grown closer and we are working with each other instead of against each other. My desire to get pregnant does not seem so strong in the front of my mind. I have accepted God’s timing… His perfect timing for us.
But today, as we start another 31 day fast with our Monday night Bible Study group, I have a heavy heart for Blake. My heart HURTS for Blake! I don’t even know what to pray right now other than “God I need You.” There is nothing else that comes to my mind. Maybe this is what being compassionate means. I have been praying for more compassion towards people. God has put a burden in my heart for this kid. I don’t know how to help him, but I know that God can. And this is enough.
That’s it. GOD IS ENOUGH.
I’ve been trying to do this in my own strength and come up with me own rules and plans. But none of that is good enough. GOD IS GOOD ENOUGH.
I’ve been taking on his problems as my own. But God wants us to cast our cares on Him. HE WANTS TO take on Blake’s problems!
I’ve been thinking that his choices and actions are a reflection on Corey and me. But they are not. All Corey and me can do is REFLECT JESUS’ character and hope that Blake sees Jesus instead of us.
This has been such a roller coaster having Blake in our home. We love him so much and want to see him succeed but most of the time we want it more than he wants it which puts stress on us and our marriage. How do you teach new values and responsibilities to someone who has never had any structure in his 16 years of living?
Well, I guess I can’t. BUT GOD CAN.
Oh Father God, we are nothing without you. We can do nothing without you. We have no strength left in this situation so we need you to take over. This is it. We are giving Blake to you so that you can have your way with him. We have tried to have our way with him and it doesn’t work. Our way has never worked for us either. You are a BIG GOD! You are a GOOD GOOD FATHER! Be a Father to Blake. He needs a Father that shows him love and compassion and goodness. You are the One to do that Lord. You are Jehovah Jireh. You will provide for Blake. We trust you. In Jesus Name, Amen.