One thing that I have struggled with all my life is different types of insecurity. It started showing up when I was a teenager and just didn’t feel like I fit in. I never could put my finger on it that it had a name and I NEVER would have admitted to anyone that I was insecure. After all, I had an image to uphold and I didn’t want to be perceived as weak.
But boy does it have a name… INSECURITY! The funny thing is, you can have a mixture of confidence and insecurity and that is why insecurity is so hard to identify. All my life I had a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities but I also had a HUGE amount of self-doubt about who I was.
The definition of insecurity gets me every time. Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt, a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. (Beth Moore, So Long Insecurities)
Whew! I can see myself about 15 times throughout that paragraph.
My insecurities always came from putting my trust and looking for my self-worth in the wrong places. One thing that a lot of us women do is depend on the man in our life to give us our worth. We let him be the determining factor of how we feel that day. And I’ll tell you what – men do not like having that pressure on them. I know… because he told me. He said “Randi, quit being so dependent on me.”
Ouch! That was an eye opener. I was depending on him to make me feel a certain way and he had no idea he was responsible for making me feel the way I wanted to feel.
How silly does that sound! But that’s what we do. We want our man to give us our self-worth. And when we give him that authority, he will most likely fail because he is not the One with the power to do so.
So what do we do? We run to Jesus! We let him do what He does best and love and comfort us and tell us that we are “precious and honored in His sight.” (Isaiah 43:4) We let Him have the power back to give us our self-worth. He is the only One who can fill that desire that we long for that will complete us.
Until we put our dependence in the right place, we will always have feelings of insecurity. And those feelings don’t just go away when we get married, like I thought they would. It just makes us more dependent on Jesus because there are not always going to be times of cuddling and wooing me. There will be times that he just wants to be alone and I have to accept that and run to Jesus to keep me company in those times.
So I am glad to say… SO LONG INSECURITIES! You have no place in my life when I have the One who is always Secure. Always strong. Always there. And always willing if will call on Him.