By Randi Spearman
I’ve been talking to one of the guys on staff this morning. He speaks to juvenile delinquents and he said something that stuck with me. He said, “When you lose your self-identity, your behavior is determined by the enemy’s expectations.”
I said, “Wow, that is part of my story.” That is where it starts. I lost sight of who I was and needed to find myself and I was searching for my identity in men, then drugs, then money, and never could find satisfaction.
I know I’ve talked about this before because it is where I started living out the enemy’s expectations for my life and I lost sight of God’s purpose for my life. I felt like I was expected to do all these things that went against all the values I grew up having. But I thought I needed to live up to these expectations to be loved. Wow! The enemy is so deceitful!
The song that just came on says, “I can’t count the broken roads that I’ve been down, but all I know is something had to give…something had to give. Cause living my life so wild and free finally caught up, oh it left me broken, left me hopeless. But that’s where I met Jesus. And then one moment everything changed, who I was got washed away, when mercy found me. My Saviors arms are open wide and I felt love for the very first time, when mercy found me.”
Of all the places I was looking for love, I had it right there beside me…reaching out to me. But my eyes were too clouded with outside influences to see the mercy and love my Savior had for me.
When I think of the enemy’s expectations for our lives, I think how subtle they can be. How they start off as an imitation of what God’s expectations are for our lives.
God’s expectations say, “You are loved by Me.” The devil’s expectation says, “You can be loved by these men right where you are.” God says, “I wish above all things for you to be in health and to prosper.” The devil says, “I know how to make you rich and it is easy.” God says, “You are My friend if you do what I command.” The devil says, “You can have many friends and you get to break all the rules.” God says, “I laid down My Son’s life for you to have Eternal Life.” The devil says, “I will destroy your life and give you eternal damnation.”
If I could have seen the expectations laid out like this, would I have done things differently? I’m not sure I would have. If I hadn’t lived up to the enemy’s expectations, how would I be able to see through his lies now? I needed to go through this because it gave me my testimony.
And my title might have been drug addict, drug dealer and adulteress at one point. But it doesn’t matter what your title is. What matters is your testimony…
“We have overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.” Revelation 12:11
We have overcome the enemy’s expectations and I am living out my purpose and my testimony now!