SO MANY CHANGES

10/5/12

By Randi Spearman

This morning I woke up to the girls yelling to turn my alarm off. My ear plugs were still in my ears,  which means that I didn’t wake up at some point in the night and take them out. “This is not normal,” I thought. I always wake up through the night. Something must be wrong…I must be extremely tired. But then I laughed cause I realized it is normal to sleep through the night. And my body is actually just trying to be normal again. I guess my whole life is trying to find what normal is again.

For example, who knew it wasn’t normal to take an afternoon nap at 4:00 PM every day? That was normal for me in prison…but I don’t foresee any afternoon naps in my future. Normal to me WAS having my tray of food right under my mouth so I could scarf it down and get out of the kitchen. But now I have to learn to use plates again and slow down when I eat. I’m still getting used to making my own decisions and scheduling my own appointments. For so long the norm WAS to be told what and when to do something.

I got my driver’s license and soon, driving will become normal to me again. I asked Shauna if I could drive to church…she said, “no, I couldn’t practice driving in her car.” I’m really only trying to help her really…she doesn’t need to get anymore tickets. :0)

I’m still getting used to wearing normal clothes. I’m struggling with open toe shoes. I want to just wear my tennis shoes everywhere cause that’s what I’m comfortable in. But when I wore small heels the other day, I felt like a lady so I want to be comfortable in them again.

There’s just so much to get used to, so many changes that I have to make. I want to make these changes, it’s just gonna take time. It’s like I am re-learning how to live. And I love every bit of it!