10-17-12
By Randi Spearman
I am on the train reading Little John’s book, “How God Moved My Ashtray.” He talks about how he wants to have a day that he doesn’t have to ask for forgiveness. That he just praises God all day and doesn’t slip up with a “little” sin.
I feel the same way. I am constantly trying to be aware of the “little” sins (whatever that may mean) because I know that the “little” sins only lead to permission thoughts for bigger sins.
I’ve been convicted when people that I choose to hang around continue to cuss and do things I have been purged of, and I do nothing to remove myself from their company. I’m not judging them for the choices they make; I am only disappointed in myself for not speaking up and asking them not to do it around me.
I am a sinner just the same. I have thoughts that I don’t like having. My mouth has been speaking things it has no business saying. I’m not sure there has been ever been a day that I have not asked for forgiveness for something I have been convicted over. Maybe I am too hard on myself; I am not actually sinning with my thoughts unless I entertain them. But I still want God to know that these thoughts are not what I want to be thinking and so I repent anyway.
I have to continually renew my mind. Little John mentions that while in prison, the temptations are a little easier because they are limited. I’m gonna “second” that statement coming from the outside.
The temptations are many out here…”big” sins and “little” ones. I have to be aware of the things that could possibly trip me up. It’s a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
I can ask God for strength all day long and to guard my heart and my mouth, but Psalm 18:23 says I have to “keep myself from my iniquity.”
I have to do that part. He gives me the strength, but I have to be the one to follow through. I can pray, “Lord, keep Your servant from willful sins,” (Psalm 19:13) all day long, but if I don’t remove myself from situations that might cause me to sin, that prayer is useless.
Lord, Your grace is enough. Sometimes I do the things I don’t want to do and You are always right there, abundant in mercy…quick to forgive. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You. I pray that my actions, words and my intentions all match up. Thank You for Your mercy, Your grace and Your forgiveness.
Hi Randi, I enjoy reading your posts because you remind me a lot of how I used to be when I was younger. I relate with a lot of the things that you talk about in these posts, and this one specially, because when you state “Maybe I am too hard on myself; I am not actually sinning with my thoughts unless I entertain them. But I still want God to know that these thoughts are not what I want to be thinking and so I repent anyway” I can totally relate, I used to do this and still do but its something that I struggle to stop doing (if that makes sense). I fall into the trap to try to filter every thought and throw out the ones that are not honoring to God and I take time to ask for forgiveness. Though I relate to you in this motive, I have realized that too many times, I’ve actually spent so much energy and stress on these thoughts and not having them that I actually can’t enjoy life and the freedom that God has given me through Christ. We are still flesh and God knows our hearts. He remembers that we are dust, and he already knows that those thoughts are not what we like to have. In earlier years, I fell into the mistake of actually being very hard on myself, I was calculating every thought I had to the point that it prevented me from having quality conversations and relationships with others. I still tend to do this at a lesser magnitude, but I want to get to the point where I can just ignore bad thoughts and not feel the anxiety to have to stop and think about it every single time… I share a bit of my experience so that you don’t have to come to the point where you’re so focused on this that you can’t enjoy the life and freedom that God has given you through Christ. Know that God knows your heart and knows what you are going to pray for before you speak a word. He is amazing!!