September 19, 2012
My last full day in prison. How do I feel? Ecstatic. Excited. Ready. Determined. Hopeful. I would expect to have some nervousness… maybe a little stress. But there is none. I am so at peace right now.
I remember back when I first got arrested. How I just knew without a doubt that I was done doing drugs. I knew my life was changing at that moment. Well, that’s kinda how I feel right now. I am done with this training ground. I am done with prison. It is time for a life change again.
I knew that I helped a lot of ladies here, but I didn’t’ know the extent until the past 2 days.
Skipper tried to push me away. I was a little rude to her because of it. When I went to apologize, she wouldn’t accept it. It really hurt my feelings. But not 15 minutes later, she was outside my dorm in tears asking my forgiveness. She said I am the best friend she’s ever had and she waited 4 years for me and now I am leaving. She said she doesn’t know how to deal with me leaving. She said she has changed because of me. I have seen this change. I saw it last night. She is normally a “cut & run” kinda girl at any sign of conflict. And last night after she ran – she came back. That is tremendous growth in Skipper. But to see her tears – I didn’t know she felt that strongly about me. She is one of few people I will see again. We have a ministry forming with our music. We will have another day.
And then there’s Cathy. She cried all through choir practice. She had stopped coming 2 weeks ago. Said she was pulling away cause I was leaving. She said I was the glue that holds the choir together. I said “No I’m just a rubber band. God is the glue.” I just put the choir together. God is the one to keep it together. I told her it was up to them to keep it going. She was there last night… even if she did cry through the whole practice.
My roommate keeps telling me she doesn’t know what she’s gonna do without me. She is struggling in the RDAP program right now and I calm her down a lot.
It feels good to know I have made a difference here. God has done some amazing things. Now it’s time to do some amazing things out there in the free world.
Lord, please lead me to the right places. Bring the right people in my life. Give me your heart to love and Your words to speak.