August 15, 2012
Yesterday Erica didn’t come to choir practice. I didn’t say anything to her because it doesn’t do any good. I get on to her every week and she still doesn’t remember. When she finally came to my room, she said “Are you mad at me?” I said “No, but it doesn’t do any good for me to say anything.” Then I said “You remember things that are important to you. You’ve gotta figure out what is important.” Then she said she was probably going to quit when I leave anyway. I told her “Don’t do this for me. Do it because you enjoy singing. Do it out of your love for Jesus.” I told her how much we needed her in the choir and even more so when I leave. But she said she’d have to think about what I said about important things.
Just like Chaplain Neese told me one day, I don’t have to drive it in with her. She knows where I stand on things. And I felt fewer words were better.
Erica is the second person that said they were quitting when I leave. Michelle told me she just wasn’t feeling it anymore. She was only staying because of me. Once again, I said “Don’t do it for me. It’s not about me.” And she asked if it was okay for her to quit now.
I am torn right now. I don’t want these girls to be involved because of me. It’s SO not about me. And it makes me wonder if I have been enough of a spiritual mentor or just a good choir director.
John 3:30 says “I must decrease so He can increase.” But I feel like these girls have put me on a pedestal. And they are just giving up cause I’m leaving.
But I have to check myself too, cause it’s not up to me to keep the choir together – or to worry about the changes. God is in control. God will keep His church going. I can only do what I’m doing now. Then leave it in His hands when it’s time to go.
“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” (2 Cor. 3:5)
None of this is from me. God has made this church what it is. And God dwells in our church. He’s not going anywhere. Change is always difficult, but God is always providing.