May 3, 2012
I am the worst of sinners! So full of pride! But God is so good! So full of mercy! So full of grace! So perfect in all His ways!
Today is National Day of Prayer. It happened to fall on Thursday, which is already our national day of prayer, as we pray and fast with others all over the country!
We started at 6:30am with a prayer service. The Chaplain came over to lead it. A lot of ladies showed up. Even the lady that had words with me a few weeks ago and taught me a good ol’ lesson on being judgmental… hard lesson indeed.
Chap Neese read a few scriptures. He talked about forgiveness, and all I kept hearing is, “if you have a grievance against your neighbor, go and fix it before you come to My alter.” I knew God was talking to me and I knew what He was telling me to do. I thought, “okay… I’ll go find her later and give her a hug if she’ll let me.”
Then we prayed, each taking a turn to lay out our needs and praise before God. When she prayed, she prayed for unity and for reconciliation and for the diversity to be put aside. I was convicted by her words – but I was once again put off by the tone in her voice. But what I realized at that moment is that the same rude, kinda condescending tone she used with me, is the one she used talking to God. And that is just her personality. And that softened my heart toward her a little.
We finished the service and she left. I went to the dorm, made coffee and came back to the chapel to sing and make some music to God. Shortly after I got there, she came in and got her CD player out, like she does every day. I asked her if it was gonna bother her if I was playing. She said. “No! Not if you don’t bang on it!”
I was like, “Really God… I can’t talk to this girl!” And I kept playing. Next thing I knew – she is sitting beside me on the bench and she wraps me in a hug. She held me for a minute.
Tears filled my eyes as I said, “Thank you Stacy. I wanted to do this, but my pride kept me from it.” She said, “Are we good?” I said, “Yes. And you are a much bigger person than me.”
She made a joke. We laughed together. And when I left, I waved bye to her. She said, “Bye sister.”
I left the chapel in awe of God once again.
As I sit here writing this, I’m asking myself why I couldn’t be the bigger person and talk to her. And I just don’t know. Fear of rejection. Definitely pride! He’s got to daily cleanse me of my pride. And it’s almost like I try to justify my pride… why I think it’s okay.
The song that just came on said, “What’s going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior…” Then it talks about “being in the light as He is in the light and shining like the stars in the heavens.”
In order to be in the light, I have to let Jesus clean out every dark corner inside me. There is no cutting corners or taking shortcuts.
Philippians 1:6 says, “He will complete the work He has begun in us.”
And I love when He puts something on my heart that He is putting in someone else’s heart as well. He has a plan. And if I don’t heed to His direction, He’ll make it happen another way.
Oh how I wish I would follow His voice as soon as He speaks. What blessings am I missing out on when I wait around and do it in my own time? When God prompts… He means now!
Lord, please help me to listen more carefully for Your voice and follow You when You speak.