March 29, 2012
It’s Thursday. Today was one of those days that I woke up, got up to make my bed, and thought, “You aren’t going to breakfast… get back in bed.”
I had to convince myself that the coffee was already prepared on my locker… add water… wake up. And I managed to get out of my room before I crawled back under my covers.
I normally am in my bed at night by 8-8:30pm. But last night I had an issue I had to deal with and was running back and forth between people until 9:45. I felt like I was in the middle of a drama triangle. But there is a chain of command and I have to go from my head senior guide down to my little sister. So while it seems like a drama triangle, it is only proper protocol.
My biggest struggle right now is that people are not telling the whole truth. But I know this truth and am bound by confidentiality because it was brought up in a group setting by another community member about my “little sister.” So I can’t say what I know. All I can do is encourage my little sister to tell the truth. Honesty is the foundation of change. And this issue has been going on for 2 weeks and the truth just came out.
It’s stressful to me because I want these ladies to succeed in their program and I want to help them. But the first step is honesty.
I have to hold my sister accountable today in our community meeting and I’m struggling for the right words.
I was just thinking how all that happens in this program relates back to recovery on the outside.
Accountability is HUGE! And I am practicing holding people accountable here while at the same time, practicing humility when people hold me accountable. I also learn humility when I ask for help cause I just can’t do this on my own.
Humility is a huge key for me when I get home. I never wanted anyone to know I was struggling in my addiction, so I never asked for help. But I know I can’t do this on my own. I need help.
Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
We all need counsel in our lives. We need a mentor or someone to look up to. When I give counsel here, it is always given with a scripture. God’s counsel is the best advise around!
I know my meeting will go smooth this morning because I have my own counsel, my friends here who are praying for me. Caroline just came to me and said, “I’m praying for you. I don’t know what’s going on – but I know you were stressed last night. So I’m praying.”
That’s great to hear! I hope I am always an open book so that when I’m struggling, someone can point it out to me. No more secrets! Honesty is my foundation!