April 19, 2012
“Stand still and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.” (Ex. 14:13)
I read this scripture in my devotional this morning and then went about my day. It talked about being in “dire circumstances and extraordinary difficulties.” And it asked, “What are you to do when you cannot retreat or go forward?”
I didn’t really see any “dire circumstances” so I think that’s why it didn’t sink into my spirit at the time. But little did I know that the devil had a little surprise for me.
I went to the chapel to pray at 11am and then I did my quick cleaning job. Then I sat down to play the piano… the same thing I do every Thursday.
And a girl from the other dorm asked to speak with me in a very rude tone. This girl is always rude to me. I’m not sure why she doesn’t like me, but I know she doesn’t, so I just kinda avoid her. It’s not that I have anything against her, but I just don’t have anything to say to her at all. I tried to be kind to her on a few occasions and she rolled her eyes at me and talked in a condescending tone to me. So since then, I just work around her when she’s in the chapel.
But for some reason she had some things to tell me about myself today. She pretty much told me I was a pretend Christian. That I could pray and sing all day long but if I didn’t live like a Christian, then none of that mattered.
She told me I was rude and I thought I owned the chapel and she has talked to many others who thought the same. She threw out something about the African American race saying I put them in a category. She said I am disrespectful when I play the piano because I bang on it and sing so loud and everyone thinks so. She said that one time I told her she had 5 minutes to get out of the chapel so I could clean. (I don’t remember ever saying that… I would never say something like that… and I don’t even need people to leave when I clean.) But she yelled at me for about 5 minutes.
I stood there with a drop jaw. I was shocked at the things she was saying to me. I had to bite my tongue to not argue with her and defend myself. What kept going through my head was, “How dare her accuse me of the same things that she herself does. She has always been rude to me. She sits in the chapel listening to Christian music all the time and then she turns around and is hateful to most white people.”
All these thoughts were running through my mind, but I just stood still. I let her vent and snap at me and if I even tried to speak up, she held up her hand and said, “I’m not done.”
All the skills I’ve learned in my program, the tools of assertive communication and not letting people talk down to me, would not even have helped with her.
And I realized at this point there will be people when I get out that don’t have these tools I’ve learned and I will also have to deal with them. That was the lesson I thought I learned. But God wasn’t done yet… He had a harder lesson for me to learn…
To be continued…