March 2, 2012
People are getting on my nerves. I didn’t sleep well. We’re stuck in the unit because there is a storm coming in. Everybody is being so loud. I had to put my ear plugs in. I hate days like these. I don’t like being in a funk. I guess it’s a couple things – having to strip the chapel office today… I haven’t received any mail all week… I’m lonely here. I’m thinking about home too much. I’m just so tired of prison. I truly have a heart that is sick.
My scripture for the week is so fitting for how I am feeling lately. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” But the second half of the verse says, “But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” (Prov. 13:2)
That brings a smile to my face. I know my desire will be a tree of life. I know that the more I wait, the better it will be when I get there.
I just want to be content right where I am – and I’m struggling with this. I wish I could say what Paul says in Phil 4:11. “I have learned, in whatever state I am, therewith to be content.”
But that’s not how I feel right now. I am feeling lonely and depressed, lacking something.
But what I can agree with right now is verse 13. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” No matter how I feel – that NEVER changes!
Isn’t it crazy how fast our emotions and feelings change on a regular basis. Thank God He can handle us when we get on emotional roller coasters. Cause I sure wouldn’t want to burden anyone else with my emotions on overload.
Jesus says, “Cast all your cares on me.” And He takes them from us. And while I already feel a little better, I am entitled to a funk day every so often. And today has been one of those days. But tomorrow is a new day!