So this place is really wearing me down. I got kicked out of my 2 man cell because they had to turn it into a lock down cell cause people want to act up. So now I am sleeping on a mat on the dirty floor, back in the room I started in where there is no such thing as sleep. I’ve started to get snappy and let my mouth speak before my mind stops it. These women are just so disrespectful and its all the time not just sometimes. I’m tired of it, but there is nothing I can do about it. It’s getting to the point where I’m getting angry and want to yell back at them. So I decided to meditate on James 1:19 “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” I have the “quick to hear” part down. I don’t have a choice and I am forced to listen to them because they talk so loud. I might not understand anything said cause there are 3 or 4 conversations going on at the same time. Each trying to talk over the others, but I’m hearing it. Okay! So I know that’s not what the scripture means, but I’m just being for real! So I get out my Bible so I can read and read and read the “slow to speak-slow to get angry” part. And I continued to read. “For mans anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. Therefore, ridding yourself of all moral filth and evil excess, humbly receive the implanted word, which is able to save you.” (vs 20-21) I think I had some “evil excess” trying to come over me. I have to humble myself and hold my tongue.
I think that when they get loud tonight I will sing myself to sleep. I haven’t sang since I got here and that’s one way I know how to fight the evil one – sing praises to God! One song I have on my heart right now says: “You don’t have to worry and don’t you be afraid, Joy comes in the morning, troubles they last always. You know that there’s a friend name Jesus who will wipe your tears away. And if your heart is broken just lift your hands and say, “Oh I know that I can make it I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way. My life is in your hands. With Jesus I can take it with Him I know I can stand no matter what may come my way my life is in your hands.” So when your tests and trials they seem to get you down. And all your friends are no where to be found. Remember there’s a friend in Jesus who will wipe your tears away and if your heart is broken just lift your hands and say, “Oh I know that I can make it I know that I can stand. No matter what may come my way my life is in your hands.” With Jesus I can take it with Him I know I can stand no matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands!” Wow! I didn’t mean to write the whole song! But I could stop and tears are falling as I’m singing it right now. I know I can take it with Jesus. But it”s still so hard!