I know I have said before that I have had a bad choice of boyfriends, but that wasn’t always the case. Sometimes I was a bad influence on them. My last boyfriend didn’t eve smoke meth until he met me. I was an addict, I smoked every day and eventually he smoked it because I did. He told me once that he would marry me if I wasn’t on drugs. I didn’t understand it then because he was on drugs too.
But now I do. I was a totally different person on drugs than I am now. I made myself miserable therefore any one around me was miserable as well. I was selfish. I thought that everything should revolve around me. I thought that my ideas were always the best and my ways were always the smartest. Boy was I wrong! My way didn’t work at all! God says “My thoughts are higher than your thoughts and my ways higher that your ways!” (Isaiah 55:9) I only wish that I would have known then what I know now. Actually I did know it, but I did not comprehend it. I did not receive it.
Praise God that he has opened my eyes and “restored unto me the joy of His salvation.” (Psalms 51:12) And He says to “forget what is behind and strain forward what is ahead.” (Philippians 3:13) And God is truly helping me with forgetting everything I was involved in because I am having a hard time putting a lot of it into words. I thing a good way to sum up my past is to say I started off as a user and 6 years later I was selling pounds of meth. It was a slow fade. But this drug took complete control of my life. But I have my life back now. Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest.” (John 10:10) So even though I have lost my life in the free world, I have gained eternal life. And whether I live as a prisoner or as a free woman, I am living my life for God. And that is living it to its fullest!