Homesick For My Family 7-15-09

I received the letters of recommendation that my family wrote for my judge.  They made me cry…something I have been doing a lot of lately.  And of course… how appropriate that the song that just came on the radio is:  “I’ve never been more home sick now… So hold on to Jesus with all that I am so I will see you again…Lord give me the strength to make it through somehow…I’ve never been more homesick than now.”

I almost forgot who I used to be…Who I really am.  As my Aunt Cheryl put it, “The meth monster took the twinkle out of my eye.”  But my God is mighty to save!!  I don’t know how I got so messed up, I have the best family ever!  And they love me so much!  But my addiction took over my whole life… my thoughts – my feelings and everything I did.  If I was going somewhere I would take into consideration where I was going to get high, where I was going to hide my dope until I got high.  I would avoid certain people or circumstances because I knew I wouldn’t be able to get high.  I didn’t date because I didn’t want anyone to find out about my addiction.  I had only a few friends.  I sometimes avoided phone calls from my family because I was so high and did not want them to suspect anything.  I was miserable!  I was depressed and had no meaning to my life… no purpose.  I can’t say that I ever wanted to take my life but I do remember being curled up in my bed on more that one occasion crying so heavily, wishing I would just die.

Coming to jail has been the absolute best thing that has happened to me in 7 years!  Now I have been delivered of the meth monster and now I am a “beast” about my God!!  I have purpose – well, God’s purpose is now my purpose.  I want to bring souls to Christ.  I want Jesus to shine through me so that everyone wants the joy that God has given me!  I want everyone to experience eternal life!  Even right here in jail I have a glimpse of Eternal Life!   Jesus said, ” Your joy will be complete…I will give you rest…peace I give to you…I will never leave you…I love you. And that is just a bit of Eternal life living in me.  “He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.”  Ecclesiastes 3:11