As I carefully pulled off tendons, ligaments, spinal bones and fatty tissue from my turkey neck tonight at dinner, I tried to imagine it was simply brisket and I smothered it in ketchup in order to make it edible. Saturday meals consist of fruit loops for breakfast with 2 bisquits and apple jelly. Lunch today went straight to the trashcan – Turkey Liver, mashed potatoes soaked in turkey grease – some might try to call it gravy, corn bread, squash and watered down kool-aid. And then – to top off the day – Turkey Necks, white rice, greasy gravy, lima beans and more corn bread.
Oh my gosh – I used to be a picky eater. Anyone who has ever been out to eat with me knows that when the waitress gets to my order she has to take out the pen and paper and write it down.
“None of this. Extra that. Can I get my soup extra runny? And my chicken extra crispy? No Dr.Pepper? I’ll take Sprite. You only have Sierra MIst? No, change that to Coke. Only Pepsi? No, just give me water.”
Pretty typical of what I go through at a restaurant.
But I’ll tell you wat. That has all changed. Instead of bisquit and gravy, we just get bisquits. They spoil us with jelly on the weekends. Instead of cinammon apple oatmeal, we get grits. Sometimes they even put butter in them. Or at least I think its butter!
For lunch during the week, we have sandwiches everyday. Bologna or ham, a scoop of peanut butter and jelly mix, a scoop of mayo/mustard mix and lettuce. At least they give us a choice, huh?
On Wednesdays, we get spoiled with hotdogs and stale french fries and chili. I learned how to make cheese sauce out of crushed cheese puffs and hot water. So – we have chili cheese dogs and chili cheese fries. Oh – it is heavenly! But then they go and turn the chili into spaghetti sauce and feed us chili spaghetti and corn bread on Wednesday night for dinner.
The rest of the week is red beans and rice or turnkey legs or wings.
Oh – but last Sunday night – we got pizza! And jail pizza is GOOD! It was very filling so everyone had an extra peice that we put in a ziplock bag and saved for later! (I had 3 pieces!) And sure enough – that same night they decided to have our first “shakedown” where they raided the whole dorm and they threw all the pizza away. It was like Katrina all over again! They will not let us enjoy the food here! The one time that we did – they took it away from us!
Its a good thing they cant take our commissary from us! We get pretty creative with it too.
Crushed cheese puffs, water & doritos make chips and queso!
Oreos, duplex cookies and snickers make a chocolate brownie birthday cake!
Chili-Lime Ramen noodles, peanuts, cheese and nacho jalepeno chips make mexican casserole!
Ice, chocolate milk and water make chocolate milk shakes!
Moral of the story is: You dont want to come to jail if you are a picky eater!