The day started with a prayer service and a divine appointment from God. And now I am sitting outside at the track… enjoying the sun and the breeze. It is so beautiful out here. And peaceful.

I think I will start a tradition and take a sick day at work on every National Day of Prayer. I want to be able to focus my whole day on praying… maybe walk the neighborhood or the city. I I don’t know, but this has been a great morning… basking in His presence… beholding the beauty of the Lord!

The Lord is so beautiful! Even in this place I am blessed beyond measure. I am content right where I am because I am not alone! HE is right here with me!

We started at 6:30am with a prayer service. The Chaplain came over to lead it. A lot of ladies showed up. Even the lady that had words with me a few weeks ago and taught me a good ol’ lesson on being judgmental… hard lesson indeed.

Chap Neese read a few scriptures. He talked about forgiveness, and all I kept hearing is, “if you have a grievance against your neighbor, go and fix it before you come to My alter.” I knew God was talking to me and I knew what He was telling me to do. I thought, “okay… I’ll go find her later and give her a hug if she’ll let me.”

Then we prayed, each taking a turn to lay out our needs and praise before God. When she prayed, she prayed for unity and for reconciliation and for the diversity to be put aside. I was convicted by her words – but I was once again put off by the tone in her voice. But what I realized at that moment is that the same rude, kinda condescending tone she used with me, is the one she used talking to God. And that is just her personality. And that softened my heart toward her a little.

We finished the service and she left. I went to the dorm, made coffee and came back to the chapel to sing and make some music to God. Shortly after I got there, she came in and got her CD player out, like she does every day. I asked her if it was gonna bother her if I was playing. She said. “No! Not if you don’t bang on it!”

I was like, “Really God… I can’t talk to this girl!” And I kept playing. Next thing I knew – she is sitting beside me on the bench and she wraps me in a hug. She held me for a minute.

Tears filled my eyes as I said, “Thank you Stacy. I wanted to do this, but my pride kept me from it.” She said, “Are we good?” I said, “Yes. And you are a much bigger person than me.”

She made a joke. We laughed together. And when I left, I waved bye to her. She said, “Bye sister.”

I left the chapel in awe of God once again.

As I sit here writing this, I’m asking myself why I couldn’t be the bigger person and talk to her. And I just don’t know. Fear of rejection. Definitely pride! He’s got to daily cleanse me of my pride. And it’s almost like I try to justify my pride… why I think it’s okay.

The song that just came on said, “What’s going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior…” Then it talks about “being in the light as He is in the light and shining like the stars in the heavens.”

In order to be in the light, I have to let Jesus clean out every dark corner inside me. There is no cutting corners or taking shortcuts.

Philippians 1:6 says, “He will complete the work He has begun in us.”

And I love when He puts something on my heart that He is putting in someone else’s heart as well. He has a plan. And if I don’t heed to His direction, He’ll make it happen another way.

Oh how I wish I would follow His voice as soon as He speaks. What blessings am I missing out on when I wait around and do it in my own time? When God prompts… He means now!

Lord, please help me to listen more carefully for Your voice and follow You when You speak.

I am reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot that was written back in 1948. And when I read about this man and his desire to live for God’s will with all that he is, I think about myself – doing the same thing – 50 years later.

Sometimes when we sing songs like “I Love You Lord” and “Shine Jesus Shine,” I can see myself singing these same songs at church camp and at devotionals over 12 years ago. And they mean more to me today than I remember them then.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

The Words in the Bible that I read when I was growing up, are the same Words that I base my life around now. The only difference is that I didn’t understand who God was back then. Now I do.

What’s even more amazing is that the God who parted the Red Sea and tested and refined Job, and forgave David for his great sins, is the same God who performs miracles today… Who has given me a new heart and has refined me… and has washed my sins away! He is the same God that my grandparents and my great grandparents have served.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “Who is and Who was and Who is to come, the Almighty.” (Rev. 1:8)

I will praise Him for all He has done in the past and for all He will do in the days to come!

I can relate this back to the RDAP program I’m in.  We aren’t just covering up all our past.  We are dumping it.  We aren’t just NOT thinking our old thoughts anymore, we are thinking NEW thoughts.

Being a new creature means I have a new life IN CHRIST, ahead of me.  It means my past sins, past mistakes and past choices died with my old man!

And my new man is being “renewed in knowledge after the image of Him who created me.” (Colossians 3:10)

I am becoming more like Christ every day!  Glory to God!  Praise Jesus that He sacrificed Himself so that we don’t have to die in our sins!  Thank God that His new Covenant with us is full of mercy and grace and love!

“I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:12-13

Paul has found the secret to the good life here… the secret to keeping his joy… the secret to being content.

I always thought I would be content if I had a fancy car, nice clothes, expensive accessories, and a house full of electronics. So I got all these things. Then I never used the electronics… I didn’t know how to match my accessories with my clothes… I put a dent in my truck.. and my clothes won’t even fit me anymore. That contentment was short lived. It always left me wanting more and thinking I needed more to be accepted.

But I’ve come to find out that contentment only comes when we are living in that place that God created us to live.

For me, that place is in prison, living out of a locker, and instead of wanting more more more… my desires are to have my family back. Time is so much more valuable to me than things. And my time will be shared between my family and God… and probably most of the time — both together!

Now I’m not saying I don’t think about “things”. Especially lately, as I do my home budget on an estimated minimum wage job. I did have a short nervous breakdown when I realized I was going to live on a tight budget for a while. This is new for me. But I can do it… the answer is in verse 13, “I can do ALL tings through Christ who strengthens me.”

When I make Him my Everything, I can be content in all things. When I seek first the Kingdom of God, ALL these things will be added unto me.

My mom said she didn’t know why I was worrying about all these things, like a car and clothes… I’m not even out yet! And I haven’t worried about them up until now. I’ve just always known, God will provide. Just because I’m getting closer to the door doesn’t give me any more right to stop trusting God with these things!

The end of Philippians 4 says, “My God shall supply ALL your needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” (v.19)

I know this and I believe this. God has provided me through my whole sentence. And I know He will provide me with the perfect job. I might not get my fancy car right way – but I will have what I need and I can work toward that car if it is still important down the road. Chances are, my values will change as I work for my living and don’t take the easy way out again! And I’m extremely excited about this!

What a PROMISE! And its so easy! All we gotta do is remain in Christ and eternal life is ours!

I don’t know about anyone else but I yearn for Heaven! “He has set eternity in my heart” for sure! (Ecc 3:11)

I can’t get enough of praise time here on earth, so I can’t wait till the day that praise is ALL we do! How exciting!

I wonder how people who don’t enjoy praising in church now are gonna stand being in heaven… they’re probably gonna be bored.

But I guess at the time we will have glorified bodies and glorified hearts… maybe everyone will have a passion for singing then!

I can’t wait for this day! I am living in hope and expectation and daily praying, “COME, LORD JESUS.” (Rev. 21:20)

God’s really testing my obedience. And it feels good after the fact… but not so good as I walk through the serving line and say, “no french toast please…”

Yes – that’s right… I passed up the french toast yesterday with complete faith that we will have it again next weekend! But my mind tried to play tricks on me… “It’s just one time… this is only the 2nd time they’ve ever had it… just go ahead and break it a week early.. it’s no big deal.”

But it is a big deal to me! I want to honor God with the commitment I made to Him. It is better to not make a vow, than to make one and break it. (Ecc. 5:5)

And I just HAD to look ahead at the menu for this week and it is gonna be a tough week to go to the kitchen… Chicken Fried Steak, Chicken Parmesan, Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches, Turkey Sandwiches… you know… all my favorites! But when I sacrifice things I love, I feel that much closer to God! He is much more worthy than all my favorite foods!

So as my fast comes to an end this week, I am thankful for the strength God has given me, the desire for more self-control, and the blessings that God has given me throughout these weeks! He is GREAT! And it has been my pleasure and honor to give Him the things my flesh desires most.

The reason I was fasting was because I wrote a letter to my prosecutor asking him to have compassion on my family and let me leave right after I finish the drug program on May 25th.

The first scripture that I read that day was Hebrews 4:16. “Let us come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in the time of need.”

And that’s exactly what I was doing. I boldly asked for healing in my mom’s and grandmother’s lives and I boldly asked to be home to be with them.

So that was the start of my week. My letter went out Monday with LOTS of prayer. Then on Tuesday, God answered a prayer I’ve been praying for a few months. He brought Alison to Greenville. She directed the choir at the prison she came from. And I’ve been praying for someone to take over when I leave.

Now all we needed was a pianist…

And of course God doesn’t do anything halfway! Today at church, I was introduced to Leann…and guess what… YUP…she plays the piano! She used to play at her church!

I was so excited when I heard this cause all I see is God working it all out! I’ve been saying, “He will provide.” And He’s doing just that!

I have a really good feeling about this letter I sent out. A really good feeling that my season is up here! Thanks for all the prayers and keep’em coming! God is so Good! JEHOVAH JIREH! The LORD our PROVIDER!

How wonderful to be able to say, “Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him.” (Job 13:15) How awesome to know that, “He knows the way that I take.” (Job 23:12) How comforting to know that when I “walk through the fire, I will not be burned.” (Is. 43:2) But rather – I shall be refined and “come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)

All the trials and suffering that we face in this life “are nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Ro. 8:18)

I know that I am quick to say “the devil is attacking me.. woe is me..” But instead, my first thought should be, “Another test… God’s got a lesson for me.” Sometimes it takes me a little longer to figure out that lesson. But I’ll get it eventually. That’s the thing about God… He takes what the devil means to harm us and turns it around for His good. (Gen 50:20)

And that’s why we should look extra carefully for those lessons. Cause that makes the devil mad when his tricks are reversed and used for our good! Isn’t that just great!

And that brings me back to my first point… “Though He slay me, I will trust in Him.”

When we see all things as though they come from the Lord, we will accept them easier and keep our hope in the One who can carry us through!

When I got back to my room, I read my devotional again and was shocked that I did the very thing the scripture said to do – “stand still.” (Exodus. 14:13) And I didn’t even remember reading it this morning.

I was still very bothered by what happened hours later. I opened up another devotional and the scripture was Matthew 7:3-5. “Why do you see the speck in your neighbors eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbors, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s's eye.”

And I was like “YEAH! See… How dare she say that… Look at yourself first!”

But as I thought longer and prayed about this, I began to realize that this lesson is for me. I have judged her for a while now. I have seen her as the hypocrite that doesn’t live as she talks. But who am I to judge her? I have no idea the hardships and struggles she is going through. While I’ve always seen her as the rude one, maybe she sees me as rude also. Maybe it’s because I don’t speak to her and she perceives that as rude.

I don’t know. But I have judged her in my heart and avoided contact with her because of it.

This is a hard lesson to learn because I really have no desire to be friends with her. She tried to intimidate me and spoke down to me and if it was up to me, I would carry on like I was, because I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong.

But God knew there was unsaid animosity between us. And He was not okay with it. So now He’s brought this out, and I have to make an effort to love this woman. Even if I’m never her friend, she is still my sister in Christ. And the Bible says to “judge not, lest you be judged.”

And I think that is the lesson I learned. And I am amazed that God prepared me for this today, and I took His advise, even though I didn’t even know I was doing it.

“Stand still and see the deliverance of the Lord today.”