As I lay here listening to the alley announcements, my mind wanders and I don’t even feel like I am here.  However much I want to stay in the here and now – I just yearn to be somewhere else. I am sometimes bored with my program.  I am very often bored with prison.  And while I am extremely bored right now while I am stuck in my room, just 2 hours ago, I was rejoicing in the chapel over the work God is doing here in Greenville.  How did I go from joy to self-pity in a matter of hours?

It is extremely easy to get in a “mood.”  To dwell on what we don’t have and to wish for a place that we can’t be right now.

Where am I going with all this…

I guess what I’m getting at is sometimes, where God wants us in not where we want to be.  Sometimes what He has planned for us is not in our plans.  Sometimes, what He wants us to do is not what we want to do.

But what makes my heart content is that He knows the end of my story.  He knows how long it’s gonna take to refine me.  And I know that “He who began a good work in me will carry it on until completion.” (Phil 1:6)

And there will be days of boredom, and days of joy.  Days of testing and days of peace.  But each day gets me closer to the day I’m looking forward to.  The day where this chapter of my life closes and the next one opens.

“Better is the end of a matter than the beginning: and patience is better than pride.” (Ecc. 7:8)

And since I’ve come to prison, and put my old self away, I have met some amazing people who I might not have given a chance before. But even still, I pray that God helps me to see others through His eyes. Cause when I look through His eyes, I see things my own eyes would have missed.

While I’m busy judging others I should see His loving face. -I catch me thinking only of me all the time, every place.
Always praying Lord help me, fix my problems, listen to my plea. – Always asking, wanting, needing, always all about me.
I never thought to focus more or make it about You. – Shouldn’t we praise and worship in all we say and do?
I try to look around me and see each face as God does. – Let me see my brothers and sisters with compassion full of love.
I know I love You Father, but there’s something I have to do. – I need to see them through your eyes and know you love them too.
Father, I thank you for helping, fixing and answering my pleas. – Thank you for gently saying “It’s not about me.”
By: Skipper Giardina

It’s day 14 and I’ve been craving foods I never even eat!  I think a partial fast is more diffictult than a full fast.  It’s like I feed my body a little and it craves more and more.  And while I feel very healthy while only eating fruits and veggies, I am ready to eat some meat!  And I am definetly ready for some coffee!  When I was praying about what I was gonna give, I was trying to convince myself that giving coffee for only a week would be enough… I mean what a HUGE thing for me

But after that first week passed, I realized it wasn’t enoguh.  We can never give enough of ourselves to God.  Romans 12:1 says to “present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is our reasonable service.”
And how do we do this?  By praise of course!  “And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare His works with rejoicing.” (Psalm 107:22)  “Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name.  But to do good and communicate, forget not: for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” (Heb 13:15-16)

So here, right after we are told to offer the sacrifice of praise, we are told to do good deeds as well.  We can’t just praise God and not care for others.  It is our obligation to love others, and this love is made possible through the Sacrifuce that was made for us on the cross.  And so we see how the sacrifice we make is only because of the Sacrifice He gave!  The praises we give are all because of the life He gave!

So while my flesh gets weak and tells me I should drink some coffee – I only promised a week – my spirit is strong and tells me “PUSH THROUGH” – He is worthy of way more than 3 weeks without coffee!

Last week I was praying for a word and I was reading in Daniel. I started studying Daniel before we even knew about this fast and I don’t think that was by chance.

So I’m reading in Daniel 10, and he’s on a 21 day fast again. And verse 4 says, “And on the 24th day of the first month…”

Daniel received his vision on the 24th day day of the first month. I was like “oohh… we have a 24th of January coming up… and we’re on a 21 day fast too… and it’s exactly one week into our fast.” He must have a word for us.

So today when I opened my devotional, the scripture says, “But the dove could find no place to set its feet… so it returned to Noah in the ark… He waited 7 more days and again sent out the dove from the ark. When the dove returned to him in the evening, there in his beak was a freshly plucked olive leaf.” (Gen 8:9-11)

I heard God say loud and clear “Wait another 7 days and you will find your olive leaf.” He’s telling me to keep holding on. Delayed answers are not refusals. I know that God’s timing is always perfect. And I am going to trust Him even when I don’t see the answer – because I know He hears me.

And I am seeing answers to some of the things we’re fasting for. Ashley is in rehab, Jenniffer’s paperwork came through so she can come to RDAP and peoples hearts are being changed. So we are seeing evidence that our prayers are being heard! And I have faith that more answers are on the way!

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (Heb 11:1)

“Prayer is such an ordinary, everyday, mundane thing. Certainly, people who pray are no more saints than the rest of us. Rather, they are people who want to share a life with God, to love and be loved, to speak and to listen, to work and to be at rest in the presence of God.” – Roberta Bondi

Knowing that God hears my prayers every time I speak to Him reassures me. He never closes His ear to me. He never turns His back on me. He never cuts me off mid-sentence or walks away. He is never critical and never runs and gossips about my struggles. He never scolds me or yells at me when I mess up. He is patient, loving, forgiving and He always wants to help me. His Word is my answer to ALL of my problems! And although, many times, He answers in ways I may not understand, or agree with, I know He answers, because He is faithful!

“Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances.” (1 Thess. 4:16)

I thought this was crazy that I wrote of this same verse yesterday! And I don’t normally watch John Hagee anymore, but there was a TV available. God is telling me to speak this truth. We cannot compromise the truth anymore!

I’m gonna say it again – get on fire for God people! Remove the sin and addictions from your life! Let you total dependence be on Him! Get ready! Cause He’s coming for His church! And if you’re not watching for His coming, then He’s not coming for you!

Makes me want to sing… “People get ready – Jesus is coming – soon we’ll be going home!!”

Psalm 118:81 “My soul faints for your salvation: but I hope in Your Word.”

This reminds me of Matthew 5:6 – “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”

I feel such a connection to these verses as I’m fasting. I have to empty myself of all the things that make up my flesh. All my sinful thoughts and ungodly desires, my addictions and anything that is not of God.

I constantly have to renew my mind and remember that my total dependence is on God. I have such an intense desire to be close to Him – sometimes I just can’t get enough! We should always continue to hunger after righteousness. We should never settle for our present state.

I wish for everyone to experience the fullness that God offers when we let Him fill us completely up! It’s amazing! My hunger for the things of God only grows deeper each day! We have to “seek the things which are above, where Christ sits on the right hand of God!” (Col 3:1)

Well, yesterday Mrs. Locke got food poisoning from lunch and she was extremely sick at work.  After she went to medical, a group of girls gathered to pray for her. Some of the girls had never prayed before, but came anyways.  When she got back to the dorm, she found out they were praying for her and was very blessed by this.

Later in the evening, feeling better, she was studying in her room, and  the same group of girls came and said they wanted to study the Bible with her.  She had the opportunity to minister to these ladies and answer their questions.  And they said they wanted to do this every night!

When she told us this, I was reminded of the verse, “If I be lifted up from the Earth, I will draw all men unto me.” (John 12:32)

And that’s just what He’s doing!  He’s drawing them in!  PRAISE GOD!  He’s drawing them in!!

Well – I’m gonna have to be honest – I never did this.  And it was months ago I talked about it.  I would see her, and say hello – but I never attempted to approach her.  There have been times that I have told her she smelled like smoke, but that was the biggest risk I took.

You see, this lady is beautiful.  She’s beautiful when she dances and when she sings.  She has such a heart for God.  But she also sells cigarettes on the compound and hangs out with a rough crowd.

Well, yesterday, I had a divine appointment with her.  I was cleaning the chapel and she came out of the bathroom and plopped in a chair.  When I walked to the bathroom to get the mop bucket, it reeked of cigarette smoke.  I came back – looked at her and said “IT STINKS.”  She said “I know.  I’m so stressed.  I just had to flush $50 worth of contraband.”

I said “Good for you.”  And I wasn’t gonna say anymore, but God took over.  I said, “I see so much potential in you.  I see God when you dance, when you sing.  He shines so bright in you.  But you only serve Him halfheartedly.  He wants your all.  He wants you in church and out of the church.  I know I don’t know you well, and I might be out of line to say this, but you can’t straddle the fence anymore.  And it might require you distancing yourself from some people.  But He wants your whole heart.”

I had tears in my eyes when I was saying this, and He wasn’t done yet.  I said “What are you gonna do when you get out?”  She started talking about starting a restaurant with her son.  And I almost let it go at that, except that wasn’t what I meant, so I kept going.  I said “No – what are you gonna do with you heart?  Are you gonna serve Him completely or keep breaking the law?  Cause He has a purpose for you.  You probably already know what it is.  But you gotta walk in it.”

She didn’t say much.  I told her I’d pray with her if she ever needed me.  Then I finished cleaning and she left.  I sat down to play some music and I was singing “Amazing Love” by Hillsong, when she came back in. The words say, “Who would know that I was once on a road so far away from you?  But all I know is that I’ll live my life to show the world Your amazing love.”

And she sat down to listen.  And I kept singing.  After a few songs, I was done and ready to go – but God said “keep playing.”  So I did.  And when it was time to go, she thanked me for singing.  And I told her I’d be praying for her.

WOW!  God set up that appointment!  And I felt so good afterward.  To speak His truth – even when it hurts.
So as I was leaving the chapel, a friend said “I heard you playing in there.”  And we got to talking and she said “You’re so on fire for God.  And He wants you hot or cold… there is no in between.”  And this confirmed exactly what I had just said to the other lady.

Jesus said “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other.  So because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” (Rev 2:15-16)

There is no in between.  We are either for Him or against Him.  Get on fire people!  My heart burns for Him so bad that I can’t help but be HOT!

I am praying for protection and favor for my family.  I am so blessed to have the parents and sisters that I have!  I told my life story in front of our community meeting yesterday.  I had people approaching me all day with “your family is so normal” – “you had such a good upbringing” – “how did you end up here?”

One of my closest friends wanted to see a picture of my family.  When I showed it to her, tears filled her eyes.  “You have such a beautiful family, you should be home with them.” – I agree.

I am in the relationships phase of my program and we are talking about the roles we’ve played in our relationships.  There are 3 roles: the victim, the neglector, and the manipulator.  And I am remembering all these times that I did my family so wrong.  And they love me in spite of it.  I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them to watch me take a path of destruction and not be able to do anything about it.  Thank God I got a praying Momma!  Thank God my parents are determined to not let this happen again.  I admire the strength of anyone who has had to watch a loved one struggle with addiction.  I admire the strength of my family.  I pray that when Ashley’s breakthrough comes – that we NEVER have to face this in our family again!