December 30, 2011
I’m reading this article on willpower and it’s talking about it being like a muscle.  You’ve got to work it to make it stronger.  And it also says to flee temptation.  You don’t stick around temptation to see if your willpower is strong enough.  That’s so true!

So I got to thinking how can I practice willpower now?  Of course the first thing that popped in my mind is exercise.  I used to hate it – but now I feel bad if I skip it.  By forming a habit of working out – I strengthened my willpower and I ALMOST kinda like it now.  Another thing that I’ve got down is honey buns!  I LOVE them more than any food I can get here and I WILL NOT buy them!  Ooh… but when you heat them up… and they are warm and soft… and they melt in your mouth… mmm… gone in like 3 bites.  ANYWAYS – that was me dreaming about my honey bun days.  Now I’ve got WILLPOWER!  Honey buns = RELAPSE!   J/K

But what I really started thinking about was the fleeing temptation part.  How strong is my will gonna be when I get out?  How hard will it be for me to use my exit strategies I’m learning about?  What if it’s something I know I can get away with?  Now, I’m not talking about drugs here – I’m talking about the little stuff.  Like lying on a job application.  Or finding $20 in my mom’s jeans pockets when I’m washing clothes.  Or cheating on my tax return.  Or even running a stop sign.  Where is my will power then?

The Bible says to “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and do His good pleasure.” (Phil. 2:12-13)

He gives me the will to do the right thing, even when He’s the only one looking.  Especially when He’s the only one looking.  You see – here’s my most recent temptation – there are these piano books in the chapel that are brand new.  They are not stamped chapel.  Nobody else plays the piano.  And I LOVE these books!  I want them to be mine!  And nobody would miss them if I took them when I leave this place.  The chapel clerk has even told me that they might as well be mine.  But I won’t do it.  I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling.  I am doing the right thing because God sees and I want to be pleasing and acceptable in His sight.  He’s strengthening my willpower because I’m gonna have some serious temptations in the real world and I’m gonna need His strength.  And I want to be ready!

By God’s divine plan, we were recently connected with a blog similar to Randi’s Reality – please feel free to dive into Matt Maher’s story here: http://www.themattmaherstory.com/

Here is a recent announcement from Matt’s Facebook page:

Several groups of people across the country have been fasting and praying on Thursdays for the men on Tier 7East and God has been doing amazing things! Some participate in the privacy of their own homes and others meet together online, by phone, or in person, including a group of women in an Illinois prison (www.randisreality.com) who have been faithfully gathering to pray each Thursday for Tier 7 at Mid State. The coordinators of this event felt strongly that God laid on their hearts to include a time of “PRAISE,” as God promises to inhabit the praises of His people. (Psalm 22:3)

If you would like to join with us (in spirit!) on Thursdays to pray for Tier 7 (and for all of those incarcerated, by extension) please RSVP. You don’t have to leave your home or commit to a certain time–this is a “virtual” event. Some will praise, some will fast, some will meet together–it’s up to you; but all of us will be PRAYING on Thursdays for repentance and for God’s will to be accomplished in each inmate’s life.

We hope you will plan to join us in the Throne Room of God as we intercede on behalf of these inmates. We look forward to watching God move in a mighty way and do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think!!!

Wherever two or more are gathered in His name, there HE IS in the midst of them. (Matt 18:20)

NOTE: Although you can fast and pray throughout the day,we have been concentrating on three specific times: 12:00 pm, 5:30 pm. and 8:30 pm.

December 29, 2011
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18)

I think it is so important to have a vision.  We were just talking in group today and someone asked the question, “Do people on the outside respond more to treatment than on the inside of these walls?”  I don’t think the answer to that is a simple yes or no.  It all depends on what your vision is.  Are you going into treatment willingly, with the desire to change?  Or is treatment a hassle – a means to an end?

Change is a HUGE deal for an addict.  Addicts get so comfortable where they are at.  And this is why we stayed in a miserable place for so long.  Change is uncomfortable!  It’s easier to play it safe – not rock the boat – keep on with what you know.

But when we are uncomfortable – that’s when we know change is happening.  Mrs. Seely said that her job is not to comfort the disturbed – but to disturb the comfortable.  That made so much sense to me cause change is disturbing!  It’s hard sometimes.

But that’s where the vision comes back into play.  I have a vision of what I want in my life.  Of where I want to be in 5 years.  And I know there are a lot of changes I have to make in order to see that vision come to pass.  And I welcome the uncomfortable feelings because I know that the end result is worth the temporary pain!

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us.”  (Rom. 8:18)

“Turn you to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope: even today do I declare that I will render double unto you.” (Zech. 9:12)

This is my first scripture I’m gonna study about my word of the year – HOPE.  I had a different one in mind, but a friend brought this to me today, and I thought it was the perfect way to start the new year.
To have “prisoner” and “hope” in the same sentence might seem weird to some.  But while my rebellion and criminal activity gave me the title “prisoner,” I don’t have to do my time hopeless.  Let’s be honest – I could have enrolled in “criminal college” while I was here and learned all I could about being a better criminal.  But instead – I decided to enroll in my own personal Bible college and become a better person.

I am nothing without hope!  I am a prisoner with hope!  I put my hope in nothing less that Jesus blood and righteousness!  I am nothing without Jesus blood!  And when I am nothing – He is everything!  And I can put my hope in Him that His everything is all I need!

I read last week in Guidepost magazine about a woman who chooses a word for the year and meditates and journals on that one word.  I want to choose a word.  HOPE is the word that came to mind. So I started praying about it and the word has been screaming at me for days!

First, someone gave this positive affirmation: “With hope in my heart, I can do anything.”  The same day, the quote on the board in our community meeting was “It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope for today and the reality of tomorrow.”  Then I got a card from someone that said on the front, “Here’s hoping…”  That all happened in one day.

Then, the next day, Hope was the word of the day in our meeting.  Then I read in Guideposts magazine about something called “Hope-isms.”  They are contemporary, playful versions of scriptures.  So my word if definitely HOPE for 2012!  I plan on picking a scripture each week and meditating on it.  And each day I will add something to my “hope list.”  It will be my 365 things to be hopeful for in 2012!  Oh… I like that idea!

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Heb 11:1

This morning at church, I sang the song by Hillsong that I wrote about the other day. I was very nervous – like I get anytime I do a solo. But I knew that God was telling me to sing this song today. The praise dancers were scheduled to dance, but I found out 2 days ago that they weren’t dancing so it opened a way for me to sing.

So I prayed a lot last night and this morning to smush the butterflies that try to tickle my throat. And today before church started I was burning up. Someone asked me if I was blushing – but I was just so hot my face was red. It was like the Holy Spirit was all over me. I had to take my sweatshirt off.

So we start service and when we got to the scripture reading, it was Psalm 40:1-5. And I knew right then that God had orchestrated this day because the blog I wrote the other day about this song – I ended with Psalm 40:3. “And He put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God.”

And there it was again! WOW! So Amazing!

So I sang the song. I wasn’t nervous like I thought I’d be. I even at the end invited the congregation to sing with me and we sang “My heart burns” together. The same 3 words that brought me into His presence brought them into His presence today!

As soon as I got back to my seat, I got chills all over and had to put my sweatshirt back on. It was crazy! It was like the Holy Spirit had me all heated up… literally burning for Him just till the song ended. Just made this song even more special to me! Praise Him! Burn for Him! Be the sacrifice! Holy and acceptable to Him!

A few months back, I found a bunch of piano books in the chapel. They were brand new – never been used – and I was just so excited! I played through the songs I knew and had a blast. But I pushed aside the books that I didn’t know. I just didn’t feel like learning new songs at the time.

But one day, I decided to pull these books out and check to see if I knew any of the songs. The books are the band Hillsong. I’d heard of them, but never really listened to them. I started playing the 1st song and fell in love with it! It was a beautiful worship song and I just sat there in the presence of God and sang to Him. The song said, “Every time I close my eyes, I’m filled with awe at all you’ve done. Every time I think on you, I’m grateful for your love.”

I couldn’t wait to get my singing buddy Amanda and teach it to her. Cause she does these amazing things with her voice and I knew she would be beautiful singing it! So I got her – and she was like an angel singing it!

So now I have these 3 Hillsong books, with all new songs I’ve never heard and I am so anxious to learn them all. But what happens is that I learn one song and I get stuck on it. The words are so beautiful and so powerful that I can’t stop singing to Him!

And then, before I know it – it’s time to go back to the dorm and I’ve been singing the same song for an hour! So amazing how we can get lost in His Holy Presence! It’s like I leave this place and join the Heavenly hosts to worship my Lord! WOW! And I know He hears my praise. I know because He told me!

A few weeks ago – it was actually the same Thursday as the concert we had – the same Thursday of some major prayer and fasting – the same day I’ve been talking about for weeks now! Anyways, so I was singing a new song I’d just learned called “Hear My Prayer.” The song ends with the words, “My heart burns.” And I got stuck on repeat on those 4 words.

My goodness – I was burning for Him too! I can’t even explain how much I was yearning for Him that day! It was amazing!
So I emailed my friend about this new song I just learned by Hillsong, and how I got stuck on “My heart burns,” and she sends me back an email with a tweet from Darlene, from Hillsong that was posted the next day. It said “Fire always falls on sacrifice. Be the sacrifice.”

I was like WOAH! Totally for me! Burning for Him! Burning for HIM!!

“And He has put a new song in my mouth. Even praise unto our God!” (Psalm 40:3) PRAISE HIM!!

2012! This is the year of the Lord’s favor! (Lk 4:19) The Lord says, “I am doing a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Is 43:19) He says not to remember the former things. (v.18)

Something about the New Year makes everyone think “new.” New beginnings, new resolutions, new diets, new promises to yourself of the changes you are going to make.

When I think “new”, I think how I am a new creation in Christ, the old things are passed away and all things are made new. (2 Cor. 5:17) I think about how God’s mercies are new every morning. (Lam 3:23) I think of how I am renewing my mind every day. (Eph 4:23) This is something I work toward on a daily basis because I have to continually take my mind off myself and onto Jesus. I put on my new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of Christ. (Col 3:10)

I am a new person. I am working towards my new life. I am leaving the old me behind.

“Behold, I make all things new… I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End…” (Rev 21:5-6)
God has plans for me. Something new, that I’ve never experienced before! I can’t wait. This is my year! This is the first day of the rest of my life! My new life – in Christ Jesus – never to leave His side again!

We had such an amazing day of prayer, fasting and worship last Thursday, Dec. 15, that we want to make this a regular thing! We’re gonna Storm the Gates of Heaven for Tier 7 – which is Matt’s tier. And we’re going to add Greenville Prison camp, Ashley Spearman, Jeree Thomas and all who are addicts in need of deliverance! And we are gonna meet together on Thursdays in the Throne Room of God to intercede on their behalf! We’re gonna praise Jesus for being the Deliverer from ALL bondage! And we’re gonna gather together in His Name, knowing that friends throughout the country are doing the same.

Just like in Acts 2:1, “And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.” And we will be on one accord, knowing that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD! (Mark 10:27)

I invite you to join us in prayer & praise every Thursday at 11am, 4:30pm and 7:30pm! He said in Isaiah that He is doing a new thing! And that new thing is happening right now in our lives!

What a wonderful thing that God can bring people who don’t even know each other together for His purposes! And for His pleasure! And for His glory! Praise His Mighty Name!

This is a poem that was written by a friend of mine here. Her name is Tami Jones. She is a great writer and writes books from prison. This poem is about the program we are in. It does has a few inside jokes, but I know ya’ll will enjoy it.

Twas the night before RDAD I was totally freaked. – My dorm 2 friends were clowning. They said it’d be bleak.
But I packed up my locker to give it a try. That year off was calling. I’m not gonna lie.

I figured I’d scam it to make my way through. It was forty short weeks give or take just a few.
I had Mrs. Johnson. They said, “She don’t play. You better say what you mean, and mean what you say.”

So, in orientation, I spoke not a peep. I just sat in the corner while other people dug deep.
But they weren’t having it. Oh no, they were not. When I shared a few things, they said, “That’s all you’ve got?”

Pretty soon, I was talking. It all just came out. “Guilt, get thee behind me,” I heard myself shout.
And soon, I moved up and learned RSA’s, doing one every day all through that phase.

Until I started feeling like I was a pro. Then Ms. Seely gave feedback and said “These all blow.”
Okay, she didn’t say that. It was just my belief that I rationalized away like my guilt, shame and grief.

When Mrs. Garrison came, we sure did have fun. We were laughing so hard, I’m surprised work got done.
Then, one day was rotten, I wanted to quit. I just couldn’t deal, I was throwing a fit.

They said I was struggling, to keep pushing through. They said, “We’ve all been there. It isn’t just you.”
So, I just kept plodding and moving along. It this didn’t kill me, it would make me strong.

Next, I was headed into phase 2B. “This phase should be cake,” my friend was saying to me.
But boy was she wrong. It wasn’t at all. We got pulled up for sharing. How the mighty fall.

A fifteen page paper we all had to do. Yes, we learned our lesson, and you would have too.
They said I was unhealthy, though I could still change. Just be more assertive. It won’t always feel strange.

“Now, on to transition,” I said with a smile. “I’ve been trying to get here for quite a long while.”
On my relapse scenario, I relived my past. I didn’t enjoy it and did it too fast.

But Mrs. McCammack said, “This just won’t do. Think it through harder. I’m counting on you.”
Then onto release plans A,B,C and D. It was starting to look like I’d one day be free.

And then, just like that, it came to an end. “That went super fast,” I said to my friend.
And now that it’s over, it wasn’t too bad. If you just don’t count up all those pull-ups I had.