January 18, 2012

Yesterday was tough. I got some news that consumed my thoughts. I was so unfocused. I tried to read my Word – but couldn’t. I wanted to lay down and pray – but couldn’t. I was a mess!

But today is a new day! The scripture I pulled out of the scripture envelope this morning is Rev. 21:5, “Behold, I make all things new.”

The devil was putting some pretty strong doubts in my mind yesterday. It is just like him to attack on day 1! But I’m not wavering! I know what I’m fasting for and God is gonna come through for us!

Yesterday, I felt like a storm was raging. It literally was – as I woke up to thunder and lightning… in Illinois… in January… weird! But I feel like a storm is coming in my life. The fact that I get bad news on the first day of my fast tells me that God wants me to start praying for this thing and be ready to fight. I know that He’s gonna fight this for me. And I know that everything has to go through Him before it comes to me. And that gives me peace.

Yesterday I felt like what James talks about in 1:6. “He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

That’s how I felt – like my mind was being tossed around. But when I read up, verse 2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, brethren, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Now that’s what I’m talking about! I sure could have used these Words yesterday! But God is always on time! And storms only make us stronger! And I will not get discouraged in my time of trials!

January 16, 2012

“Therefore, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably to her. And I will give her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth…” (Hosea 2:15)

I’m on my way to the vineyards! God has brought me through this wilderness. And just like the Israelites had to go through the wilderness for a season of testing – I too am in a season of testing.. on my way to the Promise Land! (Thank God my season is much shorter than their 40 years!)

I read about the valley of Achor in Joshua 7, where Achan and his whole family were killed for stealing items from Jericho. Judgment was swift and complete back then. THANK GOD we live under Grace now! And now, because of this Grace – the valley of Achor becomes a door of hope.

The sin that brought me my punishment, is the same sin that brought me Grace! I suffered defeat from drugs for so long. And now it has become my area of victory!

And it’s like this verse was written just for me… “and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth…” I’m singing right on through my door of hope!

January 20, 2012
There are 7 of us fasting together on this 21-day fast.  I wanted to post what we’re fasting for so anyone can pray with us.

NICOLE – direction for her brother Kelvin; salvation for father Alex Stevens; healing from arthritis for mother Barbara Stevens; healing and protection over her children, Everett, Monae, Jaeden, Deeveret, and niece & nephew, Zhaquez & Zhamy; sentence reduction for husband Everett; immediate release and blessings over her finances

AMBER – for blessings and more offerings for a bigger church for brother Todd’s Cook’s church, Jesus World Outreach Center; salvation & deliverance from the streets and his lifestyle for brother Miguel; to change Rick’s heart and give him discernment; a closer relationship with God and discernment for her

TENEKA – salvation, health and protection for kids, Randy, Tatyana, Demetrius Jr, Deonta, Damarion, Nadia, Darion, Damonte; salvation for ex-husband and for him to be a consistent father; salvation for family and for them to get along; Aliecia’s thyroid and heart problem to be healed; better health for her and consistency of her weight lose; help her fight against depression and the devils fight to steal her sanity

JENNIFFER – For God’s will in her life.  To know if it’s to go home immediately or to go to RDAP

JENNIFER LENNON – bless her finances and her walk with God, giver her a new heart and fill her with agape love; bless Betty & James Lennon’s church & Rev. Shuford; pray that God speaks to Douglas, baptizes him with the evidence of speaking in tongues, give him purpose and bless his family & kids; Leslie Izzard will be healed and won’t have to have surgery; closer walk and blessed finances for mother Edith Lennon; deliverance and salvation for father Kenneth Lennon, bless his finances; God shows her purpose for her life and baptizes her with the evidence of speaking in tongues

MRS. LOCKE – Isaiah 58:6-14

RANDI – my sister Ashley is delivered from and addiction and for her salvation; immediate release

“Jesus told His disciples… that they should always pray and never give up.” (Luke 18:1)  

So we’re gonna keep praying and keep believing!  God hears us and He’s coming through!

January 9, 2012
I just got a new devotional from my mom – Streams in the Desert.  And today’s was about waiting.  Still getting this message from God.

It talked about how the moth is stuck in the cocoon for a long period of time and how it has to squeeze and force it’s way out of the cocoon.  And how the pressure that the moth is subjected to is nature’s way of forcing fluid into the wings, which makes them strong and beautiful.

And this made me think of the pressure that is applied to my life right now.  And how much I want to escape it and be free.  But how horrible it would be for me if my wings were not fully developed and when I am set free, I can’t fly!

When I think of it like this, I welcome the pressure, the challenges, the suffering.  “For I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us!” (Rom 8:18)
And then my other devotional says that “much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come!”  That is so true!  I get consumed with having to wait and wanting to be home!  But I am still being refined.  And my time has not come yet.

“But He knows the way I take: when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold!” (Job 23:10)

January 8, 2012
HOPE WEEK 2
“Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
I’ve been praying about my hope verse for this week. And just like last week, it was given to me on the first day of the week – Sunday – the Lord’s day!

My devotional says: “Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression and self-pity. Hope is like a golden cord connecting you to heaven. The more you cling to this cord, the more I bear the weight of your burdens.”

How easy it could be for me to succumb to self-pity and depression. These are “roadblocks” in RDAP. They prevent you from growing and keep you weighed down. That’s why I must rejoice in the hope I have. My prison time does not define me, but it is a part of who I am. And when I do rejoice in the hope of who I am becoming, I am able to be patient through this tribulation because change doesn’t happen overnight and I can not rush this process.

I must keep my hope constantly in Jesus, and remain under this test in a God-honoring manner; not seeking to escape it, but eager to learn the lessons it was sent to teach me.

January 16, 2012
Isaiah 58:6 “Isn’t this the fast that I have chosen?  To loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke.”

I’ve been preparing for a 21-day Daniel fast that starts tomorrow.  I’ve never done anything like this before.  I’ve wondered what is harder – passing up foods that I really love – or passing up food all together.  This will be my first time to fast coffee.  I have slowly been winging myself off.  This is HUGE for me.  It’s the one thing I refused to give up in all the time that I’ve been fasting.  And I think that is why this fast is such a bigger deal to me.  I have finally grown to where I want to give Him my all.  Not just some of me.

I look forward to hearing His voice more clearly.  I look forward to the deliverance He’s got for my sister.  I look forward to the breakthrough that He’s got in store for Greenville Prison Camp.  The Chaplain said Sunday that 2012 is the year for breakthrough.  And what better way for us to show God we’re ready than this!

We each have something we’re fasting for.  There’s 6 or 7 of us in agreement on this.  I will be posting a prayer list later this week for anyone who wants to pray with us.

I keep hearing in my spirit Mark 9:29, “some can come forth by nothing but prayer and fasting.”  And I am believing that this is true and God’s Word does not come back void.  So we’re receiving the breakthroughs that are on their way!!

January 10, 2012
My old roommate came back yesterday from county.  She is in the other dorm now and I haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to her.  I’m fighting it cause sometimes it’s just easier to steer clear of people than it is to approach them.  “Love them from a distance.”  Is that a scripture?  Cause it should be. 

But of course it is not a scripture!  God does not want me loving them from a distance.  He is a personal God and He wants me having personal relationships with His children.  How will people know of His love if we’re not sharing it for Him?

Luke 13:34 says, “A new commandment I give you, that you love one another: as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

So already this morning, God was telling me to go talk to her.  Ask her how she used her alone time.  Share your blogs with her and let her know you’ve been praying for her.

“But God – I don’t want to share my blogs with her…  I called her difficult… and I said she got on my nerves… that would hurt my feelings.”

So I went to our morning prayer group and a girl mentioned that she had just talked to Ashley and she said the first thing she did when she got to county was get a Bible.  She said she sounded very calm and humble and that God has her in a good place right now.

I just smiled because I was just trying to figure out how to avoid what God was telling me to do and here He is again – telling me to do it!
I confessed to them what I had been thinking and we prayed for forgiveness and to see people through His eyes and to love people with His heart.  And life is just so much better when we do this and don’t allow Satan to fill us with lies that we don’t have to follow God’s leading.
2 Peter 1:7-10 says, “Add to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.  For if these things be in you and abound, they make you that you shall neither be barren nor unfruitful… But he who lacks these things is blind and cannot see afar off, and has forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.  Therefore brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if you do these things you shall never fall.”

We have to love because if we aren’t loving, we are unfruitful.  I have been purged of being unloving!  That is something from my old life!  It’s no longer a part of me!  I am glad to hear that she is still drawing close to God.  And I do want to be a part of God’s mighty work in her life.

“And we can be confident of this:  He which has begun a good work in her will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ!” (Phil 1:6)  PRAISE GOD!

January 6, 2012
I am studying Daniel and I never noticed that king Nebuchadnezzar was given an opportunity to repent before he went insane.  After Daniel interpreted the dream about the tree stump, he told the king to, “break off your sins to righteousness, and your iniquities by showing mercy…” (4:27)  But king Neb disregarded this, probably cause he thought such a thing would never happen to him.

And this got me thinking about all the times I was being called to repentance and ignored it.
For months before I got arrested, my coworker, Mike, was inviting me to church.  I really had intentions to go, but I never made it.  Someone would show up early Sunday morning and I’d get sidetracked – or I’d be catching up on some “much needed” sleep.

And the weekend I got arrested, my friend’s daughter asked me to take her and her grandmother to church.  I agreed – then went out of town anyways and didn’t take them.  And I didn’t return back to Phoenix that weekend either.  That was my last call from God till He picked me up out of my mess and spoke LOUD and CLEAR!  I definitely heard Him then!

I read in a devotional today that God knows how difficult waiting can be.  He knows the pain you feel when you wait a long time for something you dearly want.  After all – He waited for me to admit I needed a Savior. That must have hurt Him so much to be rejected for 6 years of my life.
So now, when I think how my sentence is 6 1/2 years, and how I am waiting on Him to come through and bring me out of this place – it makes it a lot easier to wait with patience, because I know how long He waited for me.  And each day I wait – my trust increases – my faith increases – and His grace increases!

And now, like Nebuchadnezzar, I can say

“At the end of my days, I lifted up my eyes unto heaven, and my understanding returned to me, and I blessed the Most High.” (4:34)

Because like him, my understanding has also returned to me and I will bless and praise Him all of my days!

January 5, 2012
Already this morning I am being told to wait.  One devotional said Psalm 31:5 – “My times are in your hands.”  The next devotional said Isaiah 30:18 – “And therefore, will the Lord wait, that He may be gracious unto you, and therefore will He be exalted, that He may have mercy upon you, for the Lord is a God of judgement: blessed are all who wait for Him.”

Someone told me yesterday that God has more than enough feet out there.  But He has much fewer inside these walls.  And that got me thinking about what my true purpose it.  I love serving the Lord – I love being His feet – but my heart is not in prison.  It is longing for the future.  And I realized that I have to be ALL here!  The heart is deceitful and I can get so consumed with being home that I forget why I am here.  And as of today, I am reigning my heart in.  I am going to be ALright – and I’m gonna be ALL RIGHT where I am.  And I’m going to be ALL for Christ.  And while I will still hope for home, I will stay in the present until it’s time.  Lord, my times are in Your hands!