The first time I heard this verse this week was Sunday in church.  We were talking about redeeming the time.  The second time I read it in Tomorrows World prophecy magazine.  That was Monday, on Tuesday I was at Bible Study and the Song of Solomon – and I heard it again.  Wednesday, I heard it on the radio, and Thursday, as I was walking back from work, Kym reached down and picked up the shed skin of a locust that was hanging on to a blade of grass.  She said “Look at this.”  I said Whoa! Everyday this week!”  Then I proceeded to tell her about the scripture coming up everyday and how when that happens, you know God is trying to tell you something.  Kym is wiccan, but I always talk to her about God and I share exciting things with her. She didn’t understand the scripture so I explained it to her. She didn’t understand why a loving God would send locust to destroy.  She said, “I thought your God was all loving.”  I said, “He is always loving, but he has to chastise His children when they are disobedient.  Then we repent and run back to Him.  And it gives Him glory to restore everything back to us.”  So I’m not sure if God was preparing me all week with that Word to give to Kym or if He was encouraging me about the years to come in my life.  Either way we were both blessed by it so Praise God!!

This scripture has taken on a whole new meaning to me.  You see, I am kinda selfish with my time and with my friends.  Jennifer and I were doing just fine when it was just the two of us.  We ate by ourselves and we had lots of time to sit  around and study scriptures…alone.  We talked about every thing from family, to work,  to our past , to our future dreams.  But we also talked about our struggles here on the compound, our issues with other ladies, our roommate problems and sometimes we just gossiped to each other because we knew it wouldn’t go any further that our ears.  We were content with our friendship.  We were comfortable and trusted only each other. 

But God had other plans for us.  He wanted to stretch us and tug on us and pull us out of our comfort zone.  So he brings Aliesha into our lives.  Aliesha is young and hungry for God.  But we weren’t ready for Him to invade our comfort zone.  So we saw her as young and needy.  She started eating with us and doing Bible Study with us and sitting with us and walking with us.  Jen and I never had time to talk about our “secret stuff” that we couldn’t say in front of anybody else.  I felt crowded and a little annoyed.  (We’ve been pruned!) So Jen and I talked and we agreed that we didn’t need any other friends around.  We acted like we were in charge and we kinda made the decision for God that she didn’t really need us and it was OK for us to pull away!  But in reality we were pushing her away.

At one point Jen and I thought that maybe God brought a new friend in our life  because we were too comfortable gossiping to each other.  Cause we sure didn’t do it when other people were around. (I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.) So we dismissed that revelation from God and pulled away anyhow.  About a week later Aliesha finds a new friend and tells Jennifer that she’s younger and has more in common with her so she wasn’t gonna be hanging out with us as much anymore.  Did you hear what I heard?  Yup–she just called us old!

So I’m not sure if we pushed her away or if God pulled her away- but I know that the short time she was a part of my close circle – She joined the choir and the Bible Study we are leading and she is active in the church!  So praise God!  He used us even when we had bad attitudes about it.  And she doesn’t know – but God used her to pull us out of our comfort zone.  This morning Jen and I were talking about this small group that we have been hanging out with the past month and all of the sudden I said, “We’ve been pruned!”  God used Aleisha to prune us of our “harmless gossip” and also to preparing us for the group of friends He was bringing into our life.

Oh my gosh!!!! That’s when I started praying…Now I knew why she asked me if I was scared, because I got scared!  Half an hour later, she was bandaging up my finger.  I don’t know what stitches are supposed to look like, but mine were ugly!  The strings were sticking out about a quarter inch and still bleeding.  She covered up my finger real quick, so I didn’t have the chance to examine the mess she made of it.

So now I can walk around singing”This little light of mine and I’m gonna let it shine” all day and hold my light up!  God works good out of every situation and I’m giving glory to God with my bandaged finger and He will heal it correctly no matter what the crazy doctor might have done to mess it up.

It’s funny how the smallest of habits come back at random times.  But the good thing is that I realized it right away- laughed about it-then decided to write about it instead of act on it.  I hope life is that simple when I get out of prison.  I pray that I will acknowledge any old habit-laugh at it-then write about my road to recovery!  It’s going be great because all you readers will be holding me accountable!  I look forward to it!

A lot of ladies come to prison only to find out that their husbands want a divorce.  Some are unfaithful.  Some are lonely.  Some have prior problems, some don’t.  But they think divorce is the best option.  So here’s the issue: The women don’t want to get divorced.  They want restoration.  They want to save their marriage.  And rightfully so.  I believe that is what is best.  God hates divorce and He is the Master of healing and restoration!  But sometimes is it God’s will to divorce?  I know the Bible says divorce is allowed if the spouse is unfaithful.  Some women who have already gone through with the divorce say that sometimes it is God’s will to divorce.  So my question is do we pray to restore the marriage and not give up? Or do we pray for God’s will?  Or do we pray for both?  If you have any advice that will help me in this matter please write to me or post a comment.  God Bless Ya’ll!

It is just so amazing watching the season change from winter to spring!  I have been so blessed by God’s creation and His “Awe Factor.”  What is God’s “Awe Factor?”  To me it is watching everything turn from brown to green.  The trees go from barren to fruitful.  And one thing I never noticed was how the leaves start as pollen.  I know I should have learned this in Biology-but didn’t!  I learned it just this year – In Prison!  You see, I never really knew what pollen was or where it came from.  I just knew that it gave me allergies.  But as I watched these trees come back to life – I saw that the leaves start as little bushels of baby leaves and most of them fall on the ground…that’s where pollen comes from.  And it was so amazing waking up each morning and seeing that the leaves grow more.  They grow so fast.  I have  never  just sat back and watched the seasons change like I have this year.

Know what else is part of His “Awe Factor”, is all the different kinds of birds that live at this camp.  Jen and I adopted a pair of ring-necked doves that built their nest above Jen’s door.  We fed them and talked to them.  I think she was quite comfortable laying an egg or two, until one of the orderlies knocked the nest down – cracked the eggs – and threw it in the trash!  I was so mad!!  Sorry…that wasn’t supposed to be part of the “Awe Factor…”  I’m just still a little bothered by it.  Those birds were like my prison pets!  We even named them Amelia and Sam.  They must have built their nests some where else cause they still come around.  A lot of times Jen and I will be sitting outside and they will show up and walk around us.  We just know they recognize us.  It’s like a special gift from God when we see them.  There are hundreds of other birds as well.  It is fun watching them grow.  They start as these light brown skinny little things – then they get darker and fatter as they get braver and come to our doors to get fed.  And  the birds have been fluttering around…making baby birds.  As are the squirrels.  Spring is a time for new life cause it’s a new season.  The Bible says that seasons in your life change as well.  Ecclesiastes 3:1  says, “To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose.”

This is my season to be fruitful.  Last season was for personal growth.  This season is for sharing!  I can hear God calling me to step it up – give back to Him by giving to His people.  “And let us not be weary in doing good for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”  (Galatians 6:9)  I get excited when God moves in someones life!  I just get so filled with joy!  It is a blessing to be a blessing to others!  And God promised Showers of Blessings!  Ezekiel 34:26 says, “I will cause the shower to come down in his season, there shall be showers of blessings!”  Please pray that the ladies will have ears to hear God’s message of hope and love!  And pray that God gives me boldness and compassion for those he puts in my path. 

P.S.  I was just informed that I still do not know how pollen is formed…. but I kinda liked the theory I came up with…

What it comes down to is that I do not know how to guard my heart.  I want to do it, but in the past I was so quick to give a piece of my heart away.  I always wanted to be in love and I felt like I had a lot of love to give – so my heart was just thrown around, passed around, put aside, sometimes thrown down and stomped on.  And I’d just pick it back up and give it to someone else with hopes of a different outcome.  Of course it never happened that way because I didn’t know how to guard my heart.

So I have been praying, “Lord teach me how to keep my heart with all diligence.  Teach me cause I don’t know how to do it on my own.”  The next thing I know it was everywhere I looked; Philippians 4:4-7 is calling out to me.  “Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I’m not kidding!  It was everywhere!  In the book I was reading, on the radio, in my Monday night Bible Study, we read it outloud at church.  It was a word for me straight from God.  And that’s when I figured it out…I don’t need to know how to guard my heart cause God is gonna do it for me!  All I gotta do is ask Him and His peace will guard my heart and my mind!  Praise God !  I have nothing to worry about.  As long as my heart belongs to God it is in a safe place.