February 14, 2012
The other day I was laying in bed trying to take a nap and this song started to come in my head. A few days before, this 4 line rhyme just popped in my head when I was trying to go to sleep as well. So I was kinda surprised I was rhyming in my head again.

So I jumped up and said “Where is this coming from!?” My roommate looked at me kinda funny. She said “Who are you talking to?” And as I was looking for a piece of paper, I said, “I guess God.”

So as I wrote down the song He just gave me, I started to sing it to her. She said “I was wondering why you were tapping your foot. I didn’t see your headphones on. I thought maybe you were dreaming.”

Nope – I wasn’t dreaming. But God put a beautiful song in my heart. I wish I had a tape recorder so I could sing it to ya’ll! But for now, I’ll just share the words with you.

It seems like I’ve been waiting forever, like my answer will never come.
Lord I’m waiting for my treasure, my treasure of being home.
But I know that You hear me always.
And I know that you number my days.

Chorus: Lord I will trust you all of my days.
For your ways are higher than all of my ways.
Lord I will trust cause your plan is secure.
I find freedom inside, as I’m trusting you more.

Looking back I wonder, do I really need to wait?
Why do I question your timing? When I know your ways are great.
But I know that You hear me always.
And I know that you number my days.

Chorus

I know I’ve been looking for home, and all along home has been here with you.
This treasure I’ve been waiting for, I’ve found and my heart is brand new.
And I know that you hear me always. And I know that you number my days.

Chorus

God is good! “He has put a new song in my mouth. Even praise unto my Lord!” Ps 40:3

January 12, 2012

Romans 4:17-18 “and calls those things which are not as thought they were. Who against hope believed in hope…”

This verse is talking about the faith of Abraham and how, even though the promise God made to him looked hopeless, he still believed in that hope.

WOW – to have faith like Abraham. To not allow any difficulties or any circumstances weaken his faith. To trust God so surely that even when the promise of a child did come to pass, he was willing to give Isaac right back to God – knowing and trusting that God has power to bring life back to any situation.

Sometimes I pray this verse back to God. “I’m calling these things which are not as though they are…” And I can see what I am praying for coming to pass. It’s not just wanting or wishing for it to happen. It’s about knowing it is happening.

Even when it looks impossible – we know that “All things are possible with God.” (Mark 10:27)
Even when it seems God has forgotten – we can “Be still and know the He is God.” (Ps 46:10)
And when is seems that bad things are happening all around us, we can know that “All things work together for good to them who love God and are called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28)

Has God made a promise to you that you are still waiting for? Keep believing, and even if it looks hopeless, keep hoping! He always comes through! He’s always faithful!

February 8, 2012

Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

The NIV version of this verse says “They who hope in the Lord…” I’ve noticed how “hope” and “wait” are interchanged a lot in scripture. Hope means to wait expectantly. We wait – expecting for something to happen. We wait – while we continue to seek God’s face in everything we do. We wait – carrying out His will – as He reveals His will to us.

And as we wait, He renews our strength. Can you imagine waiting without the patience He gives us? We would go crazy – all full of anxiety! But His strength includes patience, therefore, our waiting is easier.

I think it’s easier to wait on God than it is on man. Cause all of God’s promises are YES and AMEN! So I know if I am asking according to His will, my answer will come.

But man is so unreliable. Man lies. Man takes his promises back or breaks them. What a relief to be able to count on God! And to rely on His strength to get us through this journey! To know that with Him we will not grow weary nor faint! What a promise! YES and AMEN to that!

February 9, 2012
“He will quiet you with His love.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

“The silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His words and may be a sign not of His disapproval but of His approval and His way of providing a deeper blessing for me.” – Streams in the Desert

Here’s a story. There are 3 women kneeling to pray. God is coming by. To the first one, God stops and whispers in her ear. The second, He gives a loving touch. The third He walks on by, barely without a notice.

“Lord why did you act so differently with these women? ”

“The first needs the full measure of my tenderness. She needs My love, thoughts and help every moment or she will fall. The second has stronger faith and I know I can count on her to trust me no matter how things go. Yet the third woman, whom I seemed not to notice, even to neglect, has faith and love of the purest quality. I am training her through quick and drastic ways for the highest and holy service. She knows me so intimately, and trusts me so completely that she no longer depends on My voice, loving glances, or outward signs to know of My approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts me when common sense, reason and even every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity, and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later.

“I desire for your response to My love to be without the prompting of anything external.”

This really has me thinking. There have been many times in my life that I can remember God being silent. I didn’t like it. I felt like I was doing something wrong. I was forgotten.

But as I read this, I realized that my faith is stronger now than it has ever been and I am hearing God LOUD and CLEAR. As a matter fact – God has had LOTS to say and I love every second of it. So I was wondering how this story applied to me and I realized that God’s not talking to me for me right now. God is using me as a testimony right now. He’s talking to me and working miracles in my life so others can see it. Cause it’s no secret what God has done for me! And people see His hand in my life. And I give Him glory all day long for it. I tell them to serve Him – be obedient – sacrifice – give Him your whole heart! He wants to bless you! He’s got storehouses of blessings!

So while I want to be the woman this devotional describes, I also want to hear His voice! I know – I’m selfish – I want it ALL! But can you blame me? Everything about God is Good! And when I have it ALL – I can share it ALL – and everybody wins!

“He will quiet me with His love.” But right now, I don’t want to be quiet! I want to tell the whole world!

February 8, 2012
Tonight was amazing! I just asked for prayers for Brandi in my last post – I haven’t even sent it yet and God is already answering!

Brandi came to Bible study with me tonight! She came because she wanted to hear us sing – but Praise God – she stayed and she said she enjoyed the video we watched.

My friend Skipper has been writing songs like crazy lately. We’ve got 4 of them put to music and we sang 2 of them tonight. A lot of people showed up – it was really cool! If all we gotta do to get people to come to Bible study is write some songs – then we better get to work on that!

But back to Brandi – I looked up from the keyboard and she had tears in her eyes as we sang. I prayed “Lord touch her” in the middle of the song and I missed my next chord:) That didn’t matter cause she was touched! Still gonna take baby steps – but wow God!

“Lord help me to say the right words without pushing her away.”

We talked about laying your burdens down and I think this was the perfect message for her 1st Bible study ever. I will keep ya’ll posted on what God does next! I just love watching Him move in other peoples lives! His love is so amazing! So Divine!

February 8, 2012
This is a great story! God truly gives us the desires of our hearts! Even if they are the simplest things like carrot cake!

I absolutely love carrot cake! It’s my favorite and we NEVER have it here! So of course I was heart wrenched when we had it on the fist day of our fast and I couldn’t have it! I’m sure I had a little something to say about this… but in the end, I felt so good about giving up my favorite desert on the only chance I’d ever have to eat it here!

So last week, I was eating with my friend Brandi, who believes in God, but gets all weirded out when people start talking about “God said this” or especially when I talk about having an argument with Him. She says she’s just not into God stuff or church. (I am working on this and God is definitely working on it.)
Anyways – lunch with Brandi, and I said “I sure hope we have carrot cake next week when I can eat again.”
And when I prayer for our food, I slipped in an “And please can we have carrot cake next week.”

I didn’t even remember I prayed this. So on Tuesday, the day we ended the fast – much to my surprise – we had carrot cake for lunch! I was so excited! But even more so when Brandi found me later and said “I can’t believe you prayed for carrot cake and got it!”

I was like “Oh – I sure did, didn’t I? See what God does.”

And I know she sees it! He’s so good that way. And He’s calling for her. I invited her to Bible study. But I gotta take baby steps with her. Please pray for Brandi. She has no idea what she’s missing by just believing and not wanting more of Him! I’m praying that she finds out soon! And I am so thankful that God uses little things like carrot cake to show us He hears us!

February 8, 2012

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the Devil. And when He had fasted 40 days and 40 nights… the tempter came to Him.” (Matt. 4:1-3)

After Jesus fasted, the Devil came to Him. Wow – this revelation explains why I’ve been under attack the past 2 days! Thank God – the strength I gained during my fast is getting me through this temptation.
There is a spiritual battle going on here right now. It started this weekend when someone hid the worship cds and there was no music for the evening church service. Praise God that someone left a cd out and they were able to use that one for the service. The cds were found 2 days later hidden behind the Native American’s drum.

Last night the Wiccans had a ritual during our choir practice time, so we got booted till later in the night. As soon as we got in to practice – the guard called mail call, so we had to go and couldn’t practice.

I tried so hard not to complain about this. It was out of my control, but I still had a lot of irrational thoughts about it. “They could have given me more notice to reschedule… they should have their own chapel for rituals… the world should suit me… yada yada yada…”

Really it was not a big deal. We will get to practice on Saturday.

On Monday, I had another opportunity to complain and throw a fit. I was told I would be making more money at my new job as the chapel orderly. But when I got paid, my check was the same amount I made working 2 days a week in the gym. I was disappointed in this because I work so much harder now. And I had a hard time not complaining about this as well. I had to keep reminding myself to “do everything without complaining.” (Phil 2:14)

My mom told me to remember that I am working for the Lord – not for the money. She is right. I like to be dependable. And I like to be a diligent worker. I am in prison. I am lucky to be paid at all.
There have been so many distractions and temptations. Not to mention a few weeks ago when our music sheets were stolen right off the chapel clerk’s desk.

WHO DOES THAT?

Satan – that’s who! He’s mad about what God’s got going on here! He’s trying to interrupt our worship and our focus.

But we know that we can resist the devil and he has to flee from us! (James 4:7) And just like Jesus quotes scripture to put the devil in his place, we will follow His example saying, “Away from me Satan! For it is written, ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only!’” (Matt. 4:19)

February 6, 2012

DAY 21!! We made it! My feelings right now are bitter sweet. While I am glad I can eat what I want tomorrow – at the same time – I don’t want this to end. His voice has been so clear to me – I want to keep hearing… So I will keep listening. His answers have been showing up each day… So I will keep thanking. His Spirit has been ALL over us… So I will keep receiving. His Word has been speaking so loud… So I will keep seeking!

Just because the fast is ending does not meant the anointing will disappear.

Our fast got things moving. Our fast “stirred up the gift of God that is within us.” (2 Tim. 1:6) And now we are on fire and yearning to keep this flame burning.

The NIV says to “fan the flame of the gift of God.” And once the fire is burning – there is no stopping it! Nothing can quench the Spirit inside of us!!

February 3, 2012

Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, we also rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.”

Suffering does produce perseverance. I know! I have been persevering for 3 1/2 years! I have seen a lot of suffering here and I have experienced my share of suffering as well. And in prison, there is nothing you can do except push through. Of course you can get lost in depression or blame God. But when you patiently endure and cling to God and trust that He has allowed this suffering in your life, it builds up your character. Another version says “tribulation works patience; and patience, experience…”

The more life experiences you have, the more you build character. And the stronger you become for the next experience. And the great thing is that these are God experiences! He brings them on. And that’s what we have hope for. That He’s getting us through this! Hope is what happens as God carries us through life experiences. We have hope that He will be there for the next… and the next… and the one after that. And then hope is a natural instinct – all because of the suffering that God allowed us to go through in the first place.

“And hope does not disappoint us!”

February 3, 2012

As I sit here writing my story down, I tried out my radio to see if it would work and sure enough, it does! I get horrible reception because my radio is so old, so I have to drape my headphones cord through the bed springs in the bunk above me. But I am getting some reception. And the first song that comes on is by Jeremy Camp – “We have overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony… because He has overcome.”

How amazing that He gives me this Word as I am writing my testimony down. YES GOD!

And now the song is “What can wash away my sins… nothing but the Blood of Jesus.”

And I get overcome with emotion because my story is nothing without the Blood of Jesus! I am stuck in my sins – filthy as a rag – without His forgiveness through His blood! If I wasn’t forgiven – I would still be who I was 4 years ago – lost – a liar, cheater, whoremonger, adulterer, idolater and an abuser of the freewill God gave me.

But without this freewill – I would not have the strength that I have gained because of what came of my bad choices. I wouldn’t be able to say “Look where Jesus has brought me – look what He’s done for me! He’ll do it for you too!”

“Oh, precious is the flow that makes me white as snow…”

Thank you Jesus for throwing my sins in the sea of forgetfulness and washing me white as snow!