January 27, 2012

Psalm 118:81 “My soul faints for your salvation: but I hope in Your Word.”

This reminds me of Matthew 5:6 – “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”

I feel such a connection to these verses as I’m fasting. I have to empty myself of all the things that make up my flesh. All my sinful thoughts and ungodly desires, my addictions and anything that is not of God.

I constantly have to renew my mind and remember that my total dependence is on God. I have such an intense desire to be close to Him – sometimes I just can’t get enough! We should always continue to hunger after righteousness. We should never settle for our present state.

I wish for everyone to experience the fullness that God offers when we let Him fill us completely up! It’s amazing! My hunger for the things of God only grows deeper each day! We have to “seek the things which are above, where Christ sits on the right hand of God!” (Col 3:1)

January 20, 2012
Fast Day 4
I’ve got a great story to tell!  We’ve been praying every morning for our prison and all prisons, to change peoples hearts and to desire a relationship with Jesus.

Well, yesterday Mrs. Locke got food poisoning from lunch and she was extremely sick at work.  After she went to medical, a group of girls gathered to pray for her. Some of the girls had never prayed before, but came anyways.  When she got back to the dorm, she found out they were praying for her and was very blessed by this.

Later in the evening, feeling better, she was studying in her room, and  the same group of girls came and said they wanted to study the Bible with her.  She had the opportunity to minister to these ladies and answer their questions.  And they said they wanted to do this every night!

When she told us this, I was reminded of the verse, “If I be lifted up from the Earth, I will draw all men unto me.” (John 12:32)

And that’s just what He’s doing!  He’s drawing them in!  PRAISE GOD!  He’s drawing them in!!

January 21, 2012
A while back I wrote about being willing to go out on a limb for God.  Be willing to take risks.  And I had my first risk as talking to the leader of the praise dancers team and bringing us on one accord.

Well – I’m gonna have to be honest – I never did this.  And it was months ago I talked about it.  I would see her, and say hello – but I never attempted to approach her.  There have been times that I have told her she smelled like smoke, but that was the biggest risk I took.

You see, this lady is beautiful.  She’s beautiful when she dances and when she sings.  She has such a heart for God.  But she also sells cigarettes on the compound and hangs out with a rough crowd.

Well, yesterday, I had a divine appointment with her.  I was cleaning the chapel and she came out of the bathroom and plopped in a chair.  When I walked to the bathroom to get the mop bucket, it reeked of cigarette smoke.  I came back – looked at her and said “IT STINKS.”  She said “I know.  I’m so stressed.  I just had to flush $50 worth of contraband.”

I said “Good for you.”  And I wasn’t gonna say anymore, but God took over.  I said, “I see so much potential in you.  I see God when you dance, when you sing.  He shines so bright in you.  But you only serve Him halfheartedly.  He wants your all.  He wants you in church and out of the church.  I know I don’t know you well, and I might be out of line to say this, but you can’t straddle the fence anymore.  And it might require you distancing yourself from some people.  But He wants your whole heart.”

I had tears in my eyes when I was saying this, and He wasn’t done yet.  I said “What are you gonna do when you get out?”  She started talking about starting a restaurant with her son.  And I almost let it go at that, except that wasn’t what I meant, so I kept going.  I said “No – what are you gonna do with you heart?  Are you gonna serve Him completely or keep breaking the law?  Cause He has a purpose for you.  You probably already know what it is.  But you gotta walk in it.”

She didn’t say much.  I told her I’d pray with her if she ever needed me.  Then I finished cleaning and she left.  I sat down to play some music and I was singing “Amazing Love” by Hillsong, when she came back in. The words say, “Who would know that I was once on a road so far away from you?  But all I know is that I’ll live my life to show the world Your amazing love.”

And she sat down to listen.  And I kept singing.  After a few songs, I was done and ready to go – but God said “keep playing.”  So I did.  And when it was time to go, she thanked me for singing.  And I told her I’d be praying for her.

WOW!  God set up that appointment!  And I felt so good afterward.  To speak His truth – even when it hurts.
So as I was leaving the chapel, a friend said “I heard you playing in there.”  And we got to talking and she said “You’re so on fire for God.  And He wants you hot or cold… there is no in between.”  And this confirmed exactly what I had just said to the other lady.

Jesus said “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other.  So because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” (Rev 2:15-16)

There is no in between.  We are either for Him or against Him.  Get on fire people!  My heart burns for Him so bad that I can’t help but be HOT!

January 20, 2012

I am praying for protection and favor for my family.  I am so blessed to have the parents and sisters that I have!  I told my life story in front of our community meeting yesterday.  I had people approaching me all day with “your family is so normal” – “you had such a good upbringing” – “how did you end up here?”

One of my closest friends wanted to see a picture of my family.  When I showed it to her, tears filled her eyes.  “You have such a beautiful family, you should be home with them.” – I agree.

I am in the relationships phase of my program and we are talking about the roles we’ve played in our relationships.  There are 3 roles: the victim, the neglector, and the manipulator.  And I am remembering all these times that I did my family so wrong.  And they love me in spite of it.  I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them to watch me take a path of destruction and not be able to do anything about it.  Thank God I got a praying Momma!  Thank God my parents are determined to not let this happen again.  I admire the strength of anyone who has had to watch a loved one struggle with addiction.  I admire the strength of my family.  I pray that when Ashley’s breakthrough comes – that we NEVER have to face this in our family again!

January 18, 2012

Yesterday was tough. I got some news that consumed my thoughts. I was so unfocused. I tried to read my Word – but couldn’t. I wanted to lay down and pray – but couldn’t. I was a mess!

But today is a new day! The scripture I pulled out of the scripture envelope this morning is Rev. 21:5, “Behold, I make all things new.”

The devil was putting some pretty strong doubts in my mind yesterday. It is just like him to attack on day 1! But I’m not wavering! I know what I’m fasting for and God is gonna come through for us!

Yesterday, I felt like a storm was raging. It literally was – as I woke up to thunder and lightning… in Illinois… in January… weird! But I feel like a storm is coming in my life. The fact that I get bad news on the first day of my fast tells me that God wants me to start praying for this thing and be ready to fight. I know that He’s gonna fight this for me. And I know that everything has to go through Him before it comes to me. And that gives me peace.

Yesterday I felt like what James talks about in 1:6. “He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

That’s how I felt – like my mind was being tossed around. But when I read up, verse 2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, brethren, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Now that’s what I’m talking about! I sure could have used these Words yesterday! But God is always on time! And storms only make us stronger! And I will not get discouraged in my time of trials!

January 16, 2012

“Therefore, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably to her. And I will give her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth…” (Hosea 2:15)

I’m on my way to the vineyards! God has brought me through this wilderness. And just like the Israelites had to go through the wilderness for a season of testing – I too am in a season of testing.. on my way to the Promise Land! (Thank God my season is much shorter than their 40 years!)

I read about the valley of Achor in Joshua 7, where Achan and his whole family were killed for stealing items from Jericho. Judgment was swift and complete back then. THANK GOD we live under Grace now! And now, because of this Grace – the valley of Achor becomes a door of hope.

The sin that brought me my punishment, is the same sin that brought me Grace! I suffered defeat from drugs for so long. And now it has become my area of victory!

And it’s like this verse was written just for me… “and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth…” I’m singing right on through my door of hope!

January 20, 2012
There are 7 of us fasting together on this 21-day fast.  I wanted to post what we’re fasting for so anyone can pray with us.

NICOLE – direction for her brother Kelvin; salvation for father Alex Stevens; healing from arthritis for mother Barbara Stevens; healing and protection over her children, Everett, Monae, Jaeden, Deeveret, and niece & nephew, Zhaquez & Zhamy; sentence reduction for husband Everett; immediate release and blessings over her finances

AMBER – for blessings and more offerings for a bigger church for brother Todd’s Cook’s church, Jesus World Outreach Center; salvation & deliverance from the streets and his lifestyle for brother Miguel; to change Rick’s heart and give him discernment; a closer relationship with God and discernment for her

TENEKA – salvation, health and protection for kids, Randy, Tatyana, Demetrius Jr, Deonta, Damarion, Nadia, Darion, Damonte; salvation for ex-husband and for him to be a consistent father; salvation for family and for them to get along; Aliecia’s thyroid and heart problem to be healed; better health for her and consistency of her weight lose; help her fight against depression and the devils fight to steal her sanity

JENNIFFER – For God’s will in her life.  To know if it’s to go home immediately or to go to RDAP

JENNIFER LENNON – bless her finances and her walk with God, giver her a new heart and fill her with agape love; bless Betty & James Lennon’s church & Rev. Shuford; pray that God speaks to Douglas, baptizes him with the evidence of speaking in tongues, give him purpose and bless his family & kids; Leslie Izzard will be healed and won’t have to have surgery; closer walk and blessed finances for mother Edith Lennon; deliverance and salvation for father Kenneth Lennon, bless his finances; God shows her purpose for her life and baptizes her with the evidence of speaking in tongues

MRS. LOCKE – Isaiah 58:6-14

RANDI – my sister Ashley is delivered from and addiction and for her salvation; immediate release

“Jesus told His disciples… that they should always pray and never give up.” (Luke 18:1)  

So we’re gonna keep praying and keep believing!  God hears us and He’s coming through!

January 9, 2012
I just got a new devotional from my mom – Streams in the Desert.  And today’s was about waiting.  Still getting this message from God.

It talked about how the moth is stuck in the cocoon for a long period of time and how it has to squeeze and force it’s way out of the cocoon.  And how the pressure that the moth is subjected to is nature’s way of forcing fluid into the wings, which makes them strong and beautiful.

And this made me think of the pressure that is applied to my life right now.  And how much I want to escape it and be free.  But how horrible it would be for me if my wings were not fully developed and when I am set free, I can’t fly!

When I think of it like this, I welcome the pressure, the challenges, the suffering.  “For I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us!” (Rom 8:18)
And then my other devotional says that “much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come!”  That is so true!  I get consumed with having to wait and wanting to be home!  But I am still being refined.  And my time has not come yet.

“But He knows the way I take: when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold!” (Job 23:10)

January 8, 2012
HOPE WEEK 2
“Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)
I’ve been praying about my hope verse for this week. And just like last week, it was given to me on the first day of the week – Sunday – the Lord’s day!

My devotional says: “Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression and self-pity. Hope is like a golden cord connecting you to heaven. The more you cling to this cord, the more I bear the weight of your burdens.”

How easy it could be for me to succumb to self-pity and depression. These are “roadblocks” in RDAP. They prevent you from growing and keep you weighed down. That’s why I must rejoice in the hope I have. My prison time does not define me, but it is a part of who I am. And when I do rejoice in the hope of who I am becoming, I am able to be patient through this tribulation because change doesn’t happen overnight and I can not rush this process.

I must keep my hope constantly in Jesus, and remain under this test in a God-honoring manner; not seeking to escape it, but eager to learn the lessons it was sent to teach me.

January 16, 2012
Isaiah 58:6 “Isn’t this the fast that I have chosen?  To loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke.”

I’ve been preparing for a 21-day Daniel fast that starts tomorrow.  I’ve never done anything like this before.  I’ve wondered what is harder – passing up foods that I really love – or passing up food all together.  This will be my first time to fast coffee.  I have slowly been winging myself off.  This is HUGE for me.  It’s the one thing I refused to give up in all the time that I’ve been fasting.  And I think that is why this fast is such a bigger deal to me.  I have finally grown to where I want to give Him my all.  Not just some of me.

I look forward to hearing His voice more clearly.  I look forward to the deliverance He’s got for my sister.  I look forward to the breakthrough that He’s got in store for Greenville Prison Camp.  The Chaplain said Sunday that 2012 is the year for breakthrough.  And what better way for us to show God we’re ready than this!

We each have something we’re fasting for.  There’s 6 or 7 of us in agreement on this.  I will be posting a prayer list later this week for anyone who wants to pray with us.

I keep hearing in my spirit Mark 9:29, “some can come forth by nothing but prayer and fasting.”  And I am believing that this is true and God’s Word does not come back void.  So we’re receiving the breakthroughs that are on their way!!