Finding Hope in a Seemingly Hopeless Situation
I just wanted to share with you guys that I just talked to my sister!
It was soooo nice to hear her voice! 15 minutes is definitely not enough time though! I am going to try and get a local (Louisiana) phone number today so we can talk more often!
Yay!
Praise God for little blessings like this.
Prayers are being answered in my life!
Before I got arrested, I asked God to take certain people out of my life. I knew it was impossible for me to just walk away from my life – so I begged for God to fix it. And although becoming a criminal was not what I had in mind – coming to jail definitely removed me from a life of sin and all the unhealthy relationships I was involved in.
I have finally been able to forgive everyone that has stolen from me and taken advantage of me while I have been here as well. Being unforgiving was only building up anger and bitterness in my heart! And in a place like this – there is no room to be angry!
So, I have decided to let it all go. Up until now, I have been sweating over getting my computer back, and my stuff that never made it from Phoenix — but, I prayed about it….again…and again…and God finally revealed to me that I was to just let it go! Let go! And Let God!!
I had letters written and everything…demanding my stuff be returned to my family! But I ripped them up and threw them away.
And do you know that I haven’t thought about the things that I “used” to have since.
(Although I was browsing through the Sunday paper planning what I am going to have one day when I get out.)
But it will be different because it will be something I have to work for…and save for…Not something that was bought with drug money! And even if I don’t get it in this life – because I know that money will not be falling out of my pockets like it was before – even still – I am ok with it because in Heaven, I will have one of everything – but it will be better than what I had before – better than what I could imagine – it will be a gift that is given to me and will never be taken back! Mine for eternity…there are no Indian givers in heave – that’s for sure!
So, I am finally okay with what was lost. And from now on – there is no looking back.
Randi
9/24/2008
Wow, today has been a powerful day!
Things are happening behind these bars and outside of these bars for that matter.
All of you readers will be happy to know that Carolyn has gone home. She was released on Friday. Please keep her in the forefront of your prayers! I know she is going to be struggling out there and we sure don’t want to see her back here again! (No offense, Carolyn, but we don’t!) Next time we meet, it better be in the free world!
I know she is reading this because she was so excited about getting on the Internet to see what the blog looks like in real life!
Carolyn, stay strong! And stay sober! There is no other way. Remember everything good that you always talked about that you want back in your life so bad! And remember that you cant have it if you let your addiction take over!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight!” Proverbs 3:5
That is the only way! And don’t give up! God will never throw anything at you that you cant handle! Don’t forget that!
We love you, Carolyn, and you are in my prayers constantly!
Love,
Randi & the A dorm
Well, I realized what I need to do for Randi’s Phone card today! They will not allow just anyone to add money to the account. They have to have your credit card on file with the Account Number in order to do that.
I called and got mine on the account so I am able to do that now.
If you would like to help with this specifically, you can just get in touch with me and Paypal money to my account for this purpose. Thanks to those of you who want to help with this. I really have not talked to Randi in about 6 weeks now and I am ready to talk to her!
Writing letters is nice but can be so frustrating in a day where we communicate through cell phones and email on a right now basis!
I have a letter from Randi that I will post right after this one. She also has a few other women that are interested in contributing to the blog so you will be hearing from some new ladies over the next few days.
Love,
Shauna
Hi, my name is Jamie Porche and I’m locked up with Randi – she’s a great friend and seems to be holding up considering our circumstances!
I’m 31 years old and a single mom of 2 girls and soon to be the step mom of 3 boys. My kids names are Danielle, Marissa, Layten, Tristen and Brayden. I came to jail for violating my parole on August 18th. My life has been such a struggle since the age of 17. Drugs have taken over my life – I lost my mother and had her take her last breath in my arms. After that I lost my mind, and started banging coke. Just to kill the pain.
But once I would come down – the pain was still there. I didn’t care about anything or anyone anymore. I let the devil take over my life. I started taking off my clothes for money to support my drug habit. One strip club after another. One night, after leaving the club, one of the men followed me, beat me, robbed me, raped me and left me for dead in a dumpster.
When I woke up in the hospital with 27 stitches in my head, and found out what had happened to me, I lost it. I soon went right back to using, selling and dancing again. I really needed guidance in my life.
I got locked up on distribution charges and the judge gave me 18 months. That is when I found Jesus. I was baptized and saved in the name of Jesus.
I never knew who God was until I came here.
He had to pick me up out of a dumpster, but His love for me runs so deep.
He wasn’t ready for me to come home, so here I sit in jail missing my children like crazy but know that God has them. I also met the love of my life here, Nick, my soon-to-be husband. He loves God too! Thanks for logging on and God bless you!
Love,
Jamie Lynn Porche
Good morning Friends!
I just wanted to say THANKS again for all of your love and support for Randi! Please keep her in your prayers this week. Also, please keep us – her family – in your prayers. The initial feelings of all of this were traumatic and heart-breaking. Then…we kind of came to grips with it all and it was a little easier for a few weeks. I know for me, it has gotten pretty tough again. I am sure that this is normal. It can just be overwhelming some days to be so powerless in her situation.
And we miss her.
So…thanks for praying for us and keeping us in your thoughts. It really does mean a lot to us all that there are people we have never even met reading this and praying for our family. It’s amazing. God is good.
***
I wanted to give you another piece of information that you may or may not use. Randi has a phone account that we have to put money on for her to be able to get in contact with us. I havent heard her voice in about 4 weeks so I was about to put a little money on it (we are selling some of her things to do so) and I thought – maybe my blogging buddies would be willing to put money on this account occasionally.
If you can – great – if not…no big deal.
There is a minimum of $25 that you can put on the account. And there is a $4.50 processing fee.
The phone number to do so is: 877-273-5012
Please email me for the Pin # if you are going to put money on her account.
***
Thanks again for being a wonderful family of support for us!
Love you all!
It’s midnight at I cant sleep. For some stupid reason – I slept all day – only getting up to eat – and for an ice coffee at 10pm! So – needless to say – I am amped up!
Yesterday, I got my “discovery”. I think that is part of the reason I slept all day today. Although I cannot go into any details about the discovery – what it revealed really hurt! The life style I was living was so dirty! And all the people I associated with were just so dirty!
I never understood why people are so selfish that they would put someone else in jail because they got into trouble. Some would refer to these people as a “rat.” I never understood the concept of blaming your sins on someone else…on someone you have always called friend…or someone you were sleeping with…on someone you were living with…or in some cases in here…on someone you were married to!
Why do people have to be so selfish and hypocritical that they will do drugs and sell drugs – but when they get caught and it comes time to pay the consequences – all of the sudden – it becomes someone else who made them do it!
They don’t want to be in trouble – so they “rat” on someone else…that someone else being me.
Sinning in here knowing that I was betrayed by someone I trusted and cared about just really hurts! It is hard not to be angry – but I am not. I have accepted the fact that I was still sinning – and now I am being punished for it. I can accept that. And I can take whatever comes my way.
But it just hurts! It hurts that my freedom is at the will of what someone else says about me.
That is scary!
The justice system is just as dirty as the lifestyle that I was living. My sentencing is all going to depend on how much information I can provide the government with on other people involved.
But that is not how my mind works. That is not how I live.
I was brought up where when I was bad – I was punished.
I didn’t get punished for what my sisters did or what my friends did. I got punished because I was a bad kid!
And as an adult, I still feel the same way – I know what I was doing was not right. And I know there are consequences. But I don’t think anyone else deserves to be punished because I got caught.
I am a little worried about what kind of time that I might be looking at because not everyone has morals like I do. Most people will jump on a “GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” card any day!
But I don’t live that way.
Randi
9/5/08
Hello Free World! First, I’d like to personally thank Shauna for the lovely card and words of encouragement (& the smell good) that mean a lot to me.
Also, I’d like to re-introduce myself. My name is Kelly – formerly known as “Anonymous”. I decided to come out of my shell – a little! Well, tomorrow is my first court date – if Hurricane Gustav hasn’t delayed it. And I’m already getting nervous. But instead of allowing it to consume me – I’ve been praying and praying some more.
Since this is my first (and last) encounter with the justice system, I’m not sure what to expect. But I have faith in God, and know his will is what will be done. I also want to thank all of my family and friends who have given me love and support during this ordeal. I’ll never be able to express my appreciation fully.
I read Randi’s draft for the blog – and she has touched on a lot of our “way of living.”
As a nurse of 18 years, I felt the need to address the “medical” stuff here. We have a few nurses who seem to genuinely care about our well-being. And then there are the others. I personally had 2 experiences I would like to share.
The first experience was with my initial “physical” where the doctor asked me a couple of questions and listened to my lungs – that’s it – when I told him I was experiencing wheezing when I exhaled and had pain between my shoulder blades – he told me: “We’ll keep and eye on that.” – that was the first week that I got here – and haven’t been called back to medical since. And because they charge you $5 to go to medical and $5 for medication (I guess my Blue Cross/Blue Shield won’t cover this charge) , I haven’t pushed the issue yet.
The second experience is when one of the nurses was dispensing medication to the dorm (which they do through our rusted meal slot that they pass our trays to us at “chow time”). I waited patiently in line so I could ask her a question, when I reached the slot – you have to bed over to talk through – because it is almost knee level. I asked my question then stood up and looked at her through the window – waiting for her response – she held up her index finger, pierced her lips – and told me – in the most unfriendly of ways – “You will have to wait a minute” – which I didn’t have a problem with – what bothered me was the look in her eyes. Those eyes – like there was hatred and disgust for me. Just for the simple fact that – at the present time – I am just another inmate to some of the staff.
It appalled me – and hurt me deeply. And also – opened my eyes to the fact that:
Only God truly knows me. Only God loves me completely and unconditionally.
So – I smiled at the nurse and told her never mind. And returned to my bunk. And prayed for her. The next day – I was blessed to see that she was not on duty – and I was able to get my question answered by another nurse.
As far as the hurricane – WOW! No mail for a week. Phones going crazy. But no (or minimal) visual of what this city really went through. What we noticed the most here was the change in food – for the better!!!!
We got about 4 oz of apple juice one day. (1st time and probably the last). We sipped and savored – and tried to make it last as long as we could. Hamburgers. Real apple and orange slices – first fresh fruit since I’ve been here. 2 large broccoli spears with a slice of melted cheese – yum! Fried chicken twice! Mac & Cheese – and so on…
Someone said it was probably donated from area schools so it wouldn’t spoil. Oh yeah – and real slices of bread – we were (and are) thankful of the temporary change in cuisine! (There are small blessings in every situation!)
Well, I guess I will close this – again – thank you for this opportunity to reach the real world and God Bless!
Kelly Howard (formerly known as Anonymous)
P.S. I miss my mom….. & my pillows!!!!
Hello Friends,
I just wanted to let you know that I don’t really have any new information for you at this time. Hurricane Gustav kind of threw a wrench in the postal system in Baton Rouge so it has been about 2 weeks since I have heard from Randi by mail…and I haven’t talked with her on the phone in about as long. It is really expensive for her to call long distance so I don’t hear from her very often. My mom got a local number set up so she hears from Randi every few days…I am a little jealous.
I did get my first letter returned for sending “Contraband” yesterday! I sent some blank paper for Randi to write on opposed to the yellow legal paper that she has to use. Didn’t realize that I couldn’t send that! Now we know.
Please continue in your prayers for Randi.
Pray that her Faith continues to grow daily.
Pray that her health is good. I hate being sick and I just cannot imagine being sick in jail.
I have really been praying hard that she will be released on Bond soon so that she can spend some time with us before her trial. I also pray that God’s plan be executed in all of this – so if it is His will that she is not released – so be it – BUT – I hope that it isn’t. That’s ok to say, right? I hope that my sister can spend a few months preparing mentally, physically and spiritually for the next journey that is coming her way – which is – unfortunately – federal prison.
Randi – when you read this – Know that we want you home with us. We want to hug on you. Pray over you. And lift you up. God has this big, big plan for you. I know it. I love you.
I feel like telling you a little bit about my sister, Randi, today. I have been worrying about her non-stop over the past few days because of Gustav. I thought it would make me feel better to tell you some of the wonderful things about her!
So – here goes:
1. JOBS: Randi’s first job was at Putt-Putt golf when she was like 14. They made her a manager also. What 14 year old is a manager at Putt-Putt?! She waited tables for years and years – at places like Cotton Patch Cafe, Bennigan’s and Chili’s. In 2002, she went to Massage Therapy School and is a registered Massage Therapist…maybe not registered right now – but she was. She has worked for an IT company for the past year or so as an Administrative Assistant.
2. EDUCATION: Randi graduated high school in 2000. She didn’t want to live in a dorm in college so she was kind of limited on her college choices. She ended up moving out to Abilene where I was going to college – and she attended a community college there. She also had college credits before she ever went off to college. She is actually pretty smart (for making some dumb choices). Love you, Randi. She always wanted to study Accounting, I think. Then – like I said before – she did MT school.
3. FOOD: Randi is really picky. She loves ElChico’s queso. Salads from Chili’s with only lettuce, cheese and ranch. She LOVES Chicken Express…any time she is in Dallas – she would hunt down the closest one and get herself some chicken. I am going to cry. OK….I can do this!
4. BOYS: Randi has clearly had terrible judgment in boyfriends over the past 10 years. If anyone has a son, brother or whatever – we will need to work on that in the future. I think we may do background and reference checks from now on.
5. SOCIALLY: Randi is fun! In high school, Randi was a cheerleader. Growing up – she played Soccer & is really musically inclined: she played piano & percussion(for a little while). I want to say she was in the band in Jr. high??!?!? My mom will have to help me out here. We were really involved in our youth group at church. And we spent tons of time as a family growing up. We would go camping a few times a year or to the river together.
6. HUMOR: One of the things that I love the most about Randi is that we have the same sense of humor. So if you think I am weird – you should see and hear us together. We have already had a few conversations on the phone (that are all recorded) – where we had to give a disclaimer that we were just kidding and not really going to bust her out of jail! I mean – I watch a lot of Prison Break but we just aren’t really that gutsy!
7. BEAUTY: Randi is stunningly beautiful! She has a beautiful face with piercing greenish-yellow-brown eyes (not kidding- they are so light green that they are almost yellow sometimes)…her and I don’t really look too much alike – which is weird…my parents say that we are sisters…but sometimes I look at her and look in the mirror and wonder if they are just making that up. JK. I really do just think she is so pretty. Whether she is in her fancy $200 jeans or her prison “scrubs” – that is what I prefer to call them!
8. FAMILY: Randi comes from a great family – especially her older sister, Shauna! JK! Anyhow – Our parents have been married for 29 years. Our mom has worked in Education for ever – from teaching Kindergarten and 1st grade – to being a principal – she is currently in administration. You will hear more from my mom in the future – she is brand new to this whole blog thing! She is learning! Anyhow – our dad is wonderful too – he works for a national “snack” company – as the boss! Yes – that is how I picture you dad…as the boss. We also have a younger sister, Ashley. She needs to get on here too. She is 21 & has a daughter who is 2. The more that I think about it – we were very close knit as a family unit. We spent a ton of time together & there was a lot of love. And still is. Obviously!
I am sure you are tired of reading this post as it is getting kind of long and wordy…but I want to say this in conclusion:
I was put on the stand a few months ago in Baton Rouge & the prosecutor tried to convince me of how dangerous it would be to take responsibility for my sister and have her living in my house – if released on bond. I just wanted to yell at him and tell him – YOU DON’T KNOW MY SISTER!!!! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER! I KNOW HER! Because I do. We know how soft Randi’s heart is. And what is instilled deep deep within her. Now – let me say – we are all ok with the fact that she stayed in a little longer – we know that God has to have had a plan with all of it. But we are ready for her to come home for a while before she goes to prison. Please be praying for this. I think that they are going to try to appeal her bond and see what comes of it!
Anyhow – there you go!
If any other families of the women on here are reading and would like to send me one of these for them – that would be great – we would love to hear about your moms, sisters, daughters!