It has been a month today since the night I got arrested.

Tonight is only the 2nd time that I have been sad about the fact that I have no control over what happens in the free world.

I talked to Shauna today and all my stuff from Phoenix arrived at her house today (including my puppy, Skyler) and we only got to talk for a few minutes because I ran out of minutes on my calling card. But from what she was telling me, I don’t think a lot of my stuff made it from Phoenix. And it really makes me sad when I picture people packing my stuff up for me and they have a “Randi Box” and a “Keep for Myself Box.” Its like they think I’m dead. Like I’m not ever going to get out or something. I know its just stuff – and it was probably bought with “dirty money” – but it was still my stuff.

And it breaks my heart to think about how much I’ve lost by coming to jail. I guess that just comes with the game that I was playing.

“Ill gotten treasures are of no value.” Proverbs 10:2

I know that one day, my treasures in heaven will be far more than anything I acquire here.

“Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourself that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, your heart will be also.”

That’s what I know I have to look forward to. Since I have been doing drugs, I have lost so much. And if you ask me if it was worth it – what do I have to show for any of it?

Oh…let me see….A criminal record!

Which is not exactly what I had in mind.

What matters now is that my puppy is safe with my sister – I hope…hopefully the kids will fall in love with Skyler and Shauna will not leave the gate open again because she would just break their hearts if she took another pet from them! JK. I forgive you for letting Ginger run away. But it might be a little different with Skyler – under the circumstances.

The bright side of this is that Shauna has a ton of new shoes. Kip has a new X-box and some new tools. And the kids have a new pet! And I know they will love and spoil him like I did. And I have prayed and prayed and prayed that he will be good and not bite anyone. So – I think he will be!

Oh – I feel so much better!

Although I am sitting in my bed crying right now because I miss my dog so much.

I feel so much better because I know that whats done is done. There’s no changing the past. And there’s no looking back.

There is hope for the future. Whatever it may hold. Thank you all for your prayers and support! They are much needed and trust me – prayers are being answered behind these bars! Everyday. And that is awesome!

Randi
8/19/2008

As I carefully pulled off tendons, ligaments, spinal bones and fatty tissue from my turkey neck tonight at dinner, I tried to imagine it was simply brisket and I smothered it in ketchup in order to make it edible. Saturday meals consist of fruit loops for breakfast with 2 bisquits and apple jelly. Lunch today went straight to the trashcan – Turkey Liver, mashed potatoes soaked in turkey grease – some might try to call it gravy, corn bread, squash and watered down kool-aid. And then – to top off the day – Turkey Necks, white rice, greasy gravy, lima beans and more corn bread.

Oh my gosh – I used to be a picky eater. Anyone who has ever been out to eat with me knows that when the waitress gets to my order she has to take out the pen and paper and write it down.

“None of this. Extra that. Can I get my soup extra runny? And my chicken extra crispy? No Dr.Pepper? I’ll take Sprite. You only have Sierra MIst? No, change that to Coke. Only Pepsi? No, just give me water.”

Pretty typical of what I go through at a restaurant.

But I’ll tell you wat. That has all changed. Instead of bisquit and gravy, we just get bisquits. They spoil us with jelly on the weekends. Instead of cinammon apple oatmeal, we get grits. Sometimes they even put butter in them. Or at least I think its butter!

For lunch during the week, we have sandwiches everyday. Bologna or ham, a scoop of peanut butter and jelly mix, a scoop of mayo/mustard mix and lettuce. At least they give us a choice, huh?

On Wednesdays, we get spoiled with hotdogs and stale french fries and chili. I learned how to make cheese sauce out of crushed cheese puffs and hot water. So – we have chili cheese dogs and chili cheese fries. Oh – it is heavenly! But then they go and turn the chili into spaghetti sauce and feed us chili spaghetti and corn bread on Wednesday night for dinner.

The rest of the week is red beans and rice or turnkey legs or wings.

Oh – but last Sunday night – we got pizza! And jail pizza is GOOD! It was very filling so everyone had an extra peice that we put in a ziplock bag and saved for later! (I had 3 pieces!) And sure enough – that same night they decided to have our first “shakedown” where they raided the whole dorm and they threw all the pizza away. It was like Katrina all over again! They will not let us enjoy the food here! The one time that we did – they took it away from us!

Its a good thing they cant take our commissary from us! We get pretty creative with it too.

Crushed cheese puffs, water & doritos make chips and queso!

Oreos, duplex cookies and snickers make a chocolate brownie birthday cake!

Chili-Lime Ramen noodles, peanuts, cheese and nacho jalepeno chips make mexican casserole!

Ice, chocolate milk and water make chocolate milk shakes!

Moral of the story is: You dont want to come to jail if you are a picky eater!

Randi
8/16/2008

About 5 years ago, I was invited to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with my HR Manager at my job. We spoke periodically about my “boyfriend’s” drug addiction. She told me how AA was not just for addicts, but also for their families as well. Her son had a bad drinking problem and she said going to the meetings helped her understand and cope with his problem.

I dont remember benefiting much from the meeting then. But I am pretty sure it was because I was not ready to quit doing drugs myself. I never returned to AA.

It was never presented to me again until I started participating in the Bible study here. We read a story from “AA in Prison: Inmate to Inmate”. And I though maybe I should go again. Maybe being that I was sober, and I do seek sobriety – I could benefit from AA. And moreso, it was something to do. An hour in a classroom rather than being stuck in our smelly dorm.

So I went. I listened. And I got the “12 Steps Book.” I know that I dont want to do drugs anymore! Never in my life have I been so sure of something as I am now! What I felt 5 years ago was the complete opposite of what I feel now!

My addiction took over my life! Maybe not in the way it does most people because I thought that I lived a pretty normal life.

I held a full-time job. Went to work everyday. I might have been late – everyday – but I went everyday. I paid my bills. Fixed my credit. Had my own place, a nice truck that was my own – and I slept every night. I thought I was pretty normal.

My addiction was part of my daily routine. I had “control” over the drugs…I thought.

But that was so far from reality! Not until now do I realize that everything and everyone that I neede din my life – I avoided.

I feel closer to my family now than I have in 5 years. I have a stronger-deeper relationship with God now that I have ever had. I have cried out more prayers to God in the last 4 weeks than I have prayed in my entire life.

And everyday in here I see so many prayers answered. Something that before – I didnt have the patience to wait for. It is so amazing – the Power of Prayer! And I never even knew!

So – through prayer and God’s Word, I have already decided 110% that I can be sober. And I cant wait!

Randi
8/14/08